Alright, so here it is. Most people tend to say that i am shy with new people, but kinda open up when i get to know them. I have been in a relationship with the same guy for essentially 7 years, from 8th grade to now except we broke up once for about 3-4 months in our junior year of high school. Everything was fine and dandy when we met and started going out, we met at our towns local church youth group and my best friend helped me make the final decision to say yes to him. He made me laugh, we took walks together, hung out with friends a lot together too. He is my first boyfriend and his family and i are very close to each other, they even let me stay over at their house when we weren’t together and even for christmas. when we started dating i told him that i was not going to have sex and save myself for marriage and he said that he was completely ok with that and would never force me to do anything with him unless i was ok with doing anything. (please don’t judge me or anything, I was younger and feel embarassed saying some of this, but I want you to know so you can see the true side.) when we were freshmen, he was staying at my house for awhile and i would have our friends come over to hang out with us at times too. well even though they weren’t 18 yet, most of them smoked cigarettes, and i am completely against smoking since it is so unhealthy for the smoker and those around them as well, expecially for children and people with asthma, which we both have plus it is expensive. some days, our friends would go and take walks outside or just stand outside to smoke and he would go out there too. when he would come back in, his breath smelled bad and tasted smoky. whenever i would ask him if he was smoking, he would always tell me no. after continuous times of that happening, me asking, and him getting annoyed and bothered with me asking, i finally started asking my friends. they all told me that he wasn’t, even my own mother told me no. i took matters into my own hands and would watch from outside my window when they left my house and watch them walk away. then i finally would catch him multiple times lighting one up and smoking one. even as we would play jail break, i had caught him when i was hiding in a bush when no one saw me. i would always start crying when i would see him do that because i knew that he was lying to me, even if it is something small and stupid to most people. then i caught him outside of my house as i opened the door and i started bawling and ran away from my house under a bridge somewhat nearby my house. it was raining and at first no one knew where i was. i was tired of being lied to by everyone around me, i felt like i couldn’t trust anyone and was scared that there was more than just cigs. he finally found me and held me and said that he would never do it again and promised me. it didn’t last long though because i had caught him again at a friends house about 2 weeks later when we had stayed the night right before i went to sleep. after catching him then and from now, whenever i ask him if he has been smoking, he always still gets irritated and tells me that if i can’t trust him that this relationship cannot last without trust, which i understand. i always still taste the breath of smoke, problem is i can’t see him doing it because he doesn’t like staying at my house anymore because one of my family members gets drunk a lot and starts fights. about a year ago however, i have been told by about 4 of my friends that they were around him and he smoked, even though they knew that i didn’t like it or they thought that i already knew that he smoked, so they never told me before. the only reason that they told me though was because he gets into arguments with people very easily; he has a bad temper. he has been known to be a good helper when it comes to some situations, but he tends to over exaggerate over small things and also has OCD. He argues with me a lot, over wearing a certain shirt, over a recipe for a meal, hanging out with someone, if a guy is talking to me, etc. some of my friends that have told me that he is smoking say that his temper might be from him hanging out with me so much and not being able to have a cig for so long. i have even heard people trying to whisper to another person to make sure that my bf had some of the cigs from a pack or that his pack was forgotten at another persons house. I don’t know if this is true or not, but some even had said that he was smoking weed and openly saying that he had eaten pot brownies, but i never have felt that he would do serious drugs, but im obviously not sure. he would even ask me for $5 here and there, but i wouldn’t give it to him after i caught him smoking or i would go buy whatever it was, pop, food, etc. well while we were sophmores in high school, he was starting to want to “feel me up” and have me do “things” to him and he even asked me if i was ready for actual intercourse, but i was not ready for full blown sex, but i did some of that stuff, but never told anyone because i feel that it is a personal thing that should not be shared but only between you and that person..(except for this case ^~^) i would always tell him that i did not want to share what we did with anyone and he told me he wouldn’t. about a year later, he was telling people since some of my friends would ask if i gave him head, which i would always say no to and then confront him personally that he lied and he would come back with getting angry at that person for making that crap up. i had even in the past caught him saying i love you to 2 other girls online from his vocational class, which he said they were like sisters and it was only a sibling like love. other than that i have never thought that he could be cheating on me. when he had broken up with me online over a facebook message without a warning, he said it was because his grandfather had died a couple of days ago and it hit him hard, which was the truth, but he still wanted to be friends. then, some of my guy friends that had apparently gotten the ok for them to ask me out from my bf because there was another girl that he liked that he wanted to try and hook up with at a party on new years instead of staying with me. at first, i was a blank slate, i felt no emotion, i was not happy, sad, mad, or hurt. then about 2 months had passed and i was feeling very depressed, whenever i saw him at school, i would try to hold back tears, sometimes going to the bath room and crying in a stall for awhile, not being able to get enough sleep at night from staying awake crying or waking up from nightmares, i had even considered “accidentally” falling down my stairs because i wanted it to end my misery, but i did not, i was smart and felt that if i wanted him back, i needed to let him know that i missed him. so i told the guys that wanted to date me that i wasn’t interested and told him that i missed him. we still talked, but never really got anywhere for awhile. then on new years he told me he was going to a party, and i was afraid that he might sleep with that girl, but he called me late at night and told me that he left early because everyone at the party was drinking and being really annoying so he left. from what one of my friends had said though he only left because he learned that the girl he liked was pregnant/ a couple months later, we finally got back together after i came over to stay the night with him and another friend for movies, where i finally got to talk to him face to face. everyone was happy and some have said that we are the best couple that they have seen, but up until, i totally disagree. after we graduated high school, i stayed most of the summer with my best friend and her family. for days i would stay there, but this time i had met her cousin from out of state, who really was into me and flirted with me. he would complement me and constantly tell me jokes and make me smile, which helped me be much more confident and feel confortable with wearing shorts and dresses and standing up for myself. i never did anything with him except go for bike rides with him and talk about our problems, but he left after about 2 months and we have talked off and on, but he smokes pot and is a complete flirt, which i could not be comfortable with. my bf got jealous of me staying the night at her house because ” he couldnt trust her cousin”, even though i know tae kwon doe and would never let anything happen. i have always told him that the worst thing that anyone could do to another person in a relationship is cheat on one another, and i am strictly one to always look at someone elses life and put myself in their shoes before making a decision. even though i thought her cousin looked good and i felt comfortable around him, i never pursued him or flirted with him, but he would always get mad about any of my friends cousins becaue they might start liking me too. he recently has gone to college for less than a year because he failed classes and got exxentially booted and had to wait a year to go back, but hasn’t yet because he now wants to go to the military after changing his mind twice about what he wants to do in life. i have been working a part time job and going to college, and he gets mad that i do not try spending time with him, which almost ended up in another break up because he felt that money was more important to me, which is not true. i get stressed out easily from my job, work, and life problems. he wants to earn money, but has not gotten a job, even though he has filled out lots of applications, which i don’t believe because he never calls anywhere to check on his apps and gets mad whenever i bring them up. he used to be somewhat skinny, more muscular, but now he hates taking walks most of the time because it is too hot/cold or his feet hurt or some other excuse. he constaly plays video games, sometimes ill be hanging out with him and for 1-2 hours ill be sitting on the couch waiting for him to acknowledge me to see if he notices that im bored, but when i say something its always in a minute, after this, or a hang on i told you already. he even tells me that most of the time i make him feel like he is constantly wrong and that i am always right, but when i am right, he fights back to make it seem like i am stupid and that he is right. if he learns that he is wrong, even if it is big or small, he tends to get quiet and not want to talk. he has gained about 50 lbs of weight since we have been together and says he wasnts to lose weight for personal reasons and military, but whenever i try to remind him about small things like taking walks or not drinking pop as much since its not too much, he gets annoyed and reminds me that i am like his mother, so i don’t say anything anymore. i still think that he has been lying to me about smoking cigs behind my back because he always tastes like smoke whenever i give him a kiss. he says he loves me and wants to marry me and take me along to travel with him when he goes to the military since i am an artist and have always wanted to travel, but i feel like the love we have is fading, and i read this article and it matches me to a T, which is what started my concern and attention to me being in an emotionally abusive relationship. my best friend found it, read it to herself, and read it to me because she knows me perfectly and has been in my life for almost 9 years without ever having any complications unlike most friendships. http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/five-warning-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/#.U6pqCfldWSs
let me explain each of these a bit. #1: As i have said, most of the time he is in a grumpy mood, but there are times when he is perfectly fine, but can change like a flip of a coin when we are around friends or outside. he might say he doesn’t like so and so to me, but will be perfectly peachy around them in person. i always try to make sure that he won’t get mad at me, i constantly say im sorry and that i never mean to say anything wrong or mean to sound offensive, but at times, i let the truth loose because i feel that it is important to me. nowadays, some people have even noticed his quick temper and sudden feeling of being ok with a person. #2. if i feel that i have something to say or do, i get put down it seems like, even though he says he is trying to help. recently we went to an amusement park with a group of friends and i wanted to go on a ride while waiting for them to be done with their smoke break and told them we would be right back. he told me that they wouldn’t be long, but i had not gotten to ride any rides yet and had been waiting in the sun alone for over an hour and a half taking care of one of their children while they all rode a ride. when we were done riding and came back, they had left where they were and he got mad at me for not waiting on them and said that i was wrong for once, i needed to listen to him more or more problems like that was going to happen. he was belittling my bathing suit top that i was wearing too, saying that i needed to buy one that fit instead of one that was too small, which it wasn’t. he gets jealous easily from people simply looking my direction. he always says that i have no street smarts and school smarts will not get me anywhere. he also tells me that even though i have money in the bank, when he has none, means that i should not have to worry about the things that i want and just buy anything, even though i have learned to save what i have for the future and the what ifs in life. #3. He never has said that i flirt with men, but constantly says that he is uncomfortable with guys talking to me or looking at me because i won’t do anything, even though they either already know that i am in a relationship or i tell them flatout that i am, and even walked away at times. #4. Most of the times that i have brought up that recently this past year that he has been really hurtful with his words and i never understand y i make him mad never seems to get through, he just seems to get angrier and change subject, not want to talk, and at times come close to breaking up sometimes. i am always wrong, but he is wrong and i am right as he always puts, i then always feel guilty, even if i know that i am right about something blatantly obvious, so i tend to at times say nothing about it and let him figure it out on his own. #5. i am confused most of the time what to do. i don’t know if i should stay with him since we have been together for so long and i love his family to pieces, and when we broke up the last time, a lot of my friends ignored me and were on his “:side”, which was another reason why i was depressed. i at times don’t feel comfortable, he has been urging the fact that he wants to have sex, even though i told him i am not ready still. but i finally told him since he was getting mad at me that if we had condoms we would and now he has been wanting to hang out more and each night that i stay with him, he is very handsy with me day and night, and i tell him that i don’t want to most of the time and he always seems to get annoyed and says that he is sorry that he is bothering me. a lot of my friends tell me that i could have someone better that will make me happy, but i don’t know if they are only saying that because i know some of them just simply don’t like him in general, but i know some truely care and see that i am stressed, depressed and confused. he seems to not have a clue that i feel this bad,i feel confused and have needed to say the complete truth to someone. If you have any questions, i can try helping the best i can, but i feel that i am truly thankful to have someone outside of my circle to hear me out, and if you know anyone who can help, please let me know before sharing this with them. i also DO NOT want this to be a public story for those to read. Thank you OH SO MUCH! I feel a nice weight lifted and cannot wait to read your reply. have a great day…
