I do agree that being in a relationship with someone will be the only way to test your current beliefs and to hopefully overturn them. It's shocking advice but getting to the point where the relationship you have with a girl that you know you want to work, you are gonna have to decide if the risk is versus the reward. The closer you are too her, the lower that risk will be. Your walls are going to be up higher now, but that's ok, it just means that someone is going to have to push a little harder. In terms of speaking to girls romantically, I'd probably suggest treating every budding romance as being a budding friendship as well. The more you are able to normalise women and understand that (some of them) they have the same range of emotions, wants and needs that you do. You don't want to be hurt, and neither do they. Your experiences have hurt, but you can already see how they've affected the type of person you are today. My guess is the probability of you cheating on a partner is pretty much nil, and that's a brilliant point for your romantic resume. Any person would feel safe and secure in that kind of relationship. Life is tough, and it sucks sometimes, but you deserve better and it sounds like you are more than willing to earn better. It's hard not to be guarded, but having these conversations with girls you feel strongly about will either push away girls you wouldn't have worked out with, or it will bring her closer to you. Seeing a loyal, kind and caring person willing to be honest with them about their past and their expectations in a relationship, not to mention how good it feels to have someone you care about you trust you enough to open up like it... If you have that moment with her, she's is worth it. Also, this is the obligatory look after yourself part, if your walls are up you will do better to fill your time and use your energy on things that make you happy. For every girl that washes up against the wall and can't push it over, try not to feel disappointed in yourself - she is the one who fell short and better things are within your reach. If they have cheated, that was your choice. You do not need to change.