So I knew that after I was born my mother had ECT for post natal depression, well that’s what she told me anyway it was actually for psychosis… Yeah she had three sets of ten sessions (that’s thirty sessions, the standard and recommended amount sixteen years ago was fifteen to twenty sessions maximum) so that is a problem in its own, no? Anyway after her tenth session they were integrating me back into her life, she was under constant watch in her psych ward when she had me but a nurse turned her back to speak to another patient momentarily whilst she was bathing me and she attempted to drown me, submerged me and set to work. I screamed out and all was well and good, the nurse corrected her ways and took me from my mother, so begun her second set. Nine months later she relapsed and obviously more shocks were given. I think subconsciously, because obviously I don’t remember memories about this, but I think subconsciously my brain remembers and associates my mother with bad things, she was very unhappy when she was pregnant with me and very sick also, I think; along with a doctor that maybe the depression, anxiety and paranoia was ingrained in me at such a young age that I was bound to develop further and heavier signs of them when I was older. Thus now what I am. My point is by all of this is I don’t quite know how to interpret this all, my mother and I don’t have a relationship as it is, but I can’t even look at her now knowing that she did this to me. She should still be on the various medications she took herself off fifteen years ago and I want to tell her that, I can’t stress it enough but she’ll hate me even more if I express all of my concerns that she is a danger to herself and clearly also those around her if she doesn’t get the help she needs.
