My freshman year I had a best friend of two years who I was so very close with. She was by far the closest friend I had at the time because we shared many of the same family/personal issues. Then she got a boyfriend who destroyed our friendship. I didn’t like him, he didn’t like me, and after we had a fight at a friends party(between me and him) she chose him. I didn’t know she chose him until finally I realjzed she didn’t want to talk or text me any more. It wasn’t until a year later, after we had a blow up and we agreed not to talk to each other that she finally decided to say sorry at a friends birthday party.
I don’t let a lot of people in. I have Social Anxiety and for me, letting people into my head is horrifying for me, so for her to just toss me aside without telling me broke my heart deepily.
Prior to this public “apology”, my friends all wanted me and her to have some sort reconciliation because they thought it was always awkward when we were around each other. They didn’t know, don’t know, I have Social Anxiety and ddon’t get how much it hurt me to have her walking around with my deepest secrets and she ditches me for a guy who cheated on her. They didn’t understand why I couldn’t forgive her.
So, when she hugged me and apologized, I swallowed back the annoyance and anger I felt that she was doing it after so long and this way, but I saw my friends all happy and so I put on a brave face and pretended it was all okay. Then they started trying to force us together. I had told my second closest friend that we were okay, but it wasn’t like she was ever going to be best friends with me again. Apparently that wasn’t good enough because they still try it even when I try so obviously to voice my uncomfortableness.
Am I being irrational? Should I forgive her? It would be a hell of a lot easier but what would be the point if I couldn’t ever bring myself to the point of emotionally attaching myself as a friend with her. I may or may not being moving, but I want some of my loose ends closed up. Advice?
