Onesided love?


I have this friend that ive known for almost a year now.
I have a feeling this wouldn’t work between us, because I like mature men who are older and have their lives together and I am relatively modest. he jumps between relationships (with loose women) and still lives at home. (were only 20, so its not terrible, but I live on my own, so I like guys who are on their own as well).
I have always had a rough life, and dealt with it on my own, and im trying hard to open up to friends. whenever I just cant hold it in anymore and have a breakdown hes always there to cheer me up. I had a nervous break and he just sat with me and held me, and thats when I realized I had serious feelings for him. I wasnt initially attracted to him, but it has developed. we tease each other endlessly, and he sometimes goes out of his way for physical contact (teasingly brushing my face or wrestling). and hes brought up the fact that our friends thought we would have ended up together after he broke up with his last girlfriend if he hadnt met his new girl, so I thought maybe there was a little feeling.
the last time I saw him we saw a movie, it was him, his girlfriend, our mutual friend, and me. the movie was about a man who loses his father, and having recently lost mine, I broke down and left. he came after me and apologized cause he hadnt realized the movie was about that and didnt want me to be upset and refused to leave me alone, but this was the first time he has comforted me and not touched me in any way. I was depressed the rest of the evening, and he would check on me, but he was distant. I used to think he was into me, and just realized like i had that it might not be a good match, but now I think he might not care about me as much.
he seems really lovey with his girlfriend, they spend a lot of time together and kiss CONSTANTLY! and they talk about sex stuff and possibly having threesomes with her slutty friends from work. and he makes a big deal of repeating that were just friends, and he doesnt touch me as much as he used to, especially not when his girlfriend is around. he doesnt text me all the time, and we dont often hang out just the two of us, so I think I might have just been distorting facts to make myself feel like I had a chance.
Also, he remembers the little things about my life. And he always asks about guys I am seeing, or teases me about liking guy friends I hang out with. Is he jealous or trying to get me to date on of these other guys?
Is he just being a good friend? and how can I get over these onesided feelings?

Category: Tags: asked July 30, 2014

6 Answers

Talk to him. Ask him what his intentions are. You're never going to know unless you open up the communication with him. If you want to get over him after you talk to him you might try to give yourself some space. I know you're good friends but having him in your face all the time is going to make that getting over part difficult to do.
I just dont want to admit I have these feelings if he has no feelings for me. I feel like it would ruin our friendship as well as complicate his current relationship. I really dont want to do anything that would hurt their relationship. especially since its impossible to avoid him. we have all the same mutual friends who are also my coworkers...
I want to be with him, but the logical part of my mind is pointing out all the ways that it might not work. so I dont even know if I SHOULD be with him, though I know I WANT to be with him...
If you never ask, you'll never know. Life is full of what if's, and you'll end up driving yourself crazy trying to figure it out. The only way of knowing for sure, is to talk to him. If it works out, then that's great. If it doesn't, then that's okay to. You can find a way and eventually move on with your life, find someone who likes you back. I'm sure that if he's really that good of a friend as you think, he'd want you to be happy to. Do whatever is best for yourself, what you can live with.
I dont know if I can tell him. that would make me vulnerable and would jeopardize our friendship. i would also worry about it effecting his relationship with his girlfriend, if they are happy than this could possibly cause a problem and probably make her dislike me...
QUESTION: Do you want to get with him?

IF YES: Ask to get with him.
IF NO: Continue business as usual.