Obsessive Fiance?

I have been seeing this guy for the last three years, I am worried that he’s becoming obsessive in the relationship. He feels the need to text me all day long, and when I tell him that it’s not necessary that we only need to talk as things arise not every minute, he gets all butt hurt and says that “I just wanted to talk to you.” In general I feel he trusts me however my phone is faulty and freak out, he will literally start calling me if I don’t respond to the text messages. Sometimes I don’t get them and he doesn’t believe me, even though he knows that my phone is faulty! I’m worried that if I just break up with him then I’ll regret it, and I can’t get back with him later because he said that if we break up then “were done for good”. He also needs me to tell him I love him after EVERYTIME we talk otherwise he assumes either I don’t love him, or I don’t love him as much as he loves me. If he apolagizes then he’ll tell me that he’s sorry and that he’s under a lot of stress. He’ll say he knows I don’t deserve getting lashed at for no reason but he still does it. He says he “becomes another person” or something to that extent…. What should I do??

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Obtainable Mint

2 Answers

Okay, nothing you said makes me suspect your fiancee has OCD, but this really reminded me of a spoken-word poem about a guy who had OCD and needed tons of reasurrance from his girlfriend that she loved him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnKZ4pdSU-s

Your finance does need a more-than-usual amount of reassurance that your feelings for him have not changed which could be due to insecurity or stress or the fear/perception that you might walk out on him.

What should you do? Well, the fact that you're even considering breaking up with him, is not a promising sign that you should go ahead and get married right away. If the only reason you'd like to break up with him is because he's obsessive, then I'd probably have a talk with him and try to figure out the root problem causing his obsessiveness (stress? insecurity you might leave?) and then try to fix the cause (give him a back massage, talk about his stress problems OR reassure him that you love him).... Then wait to see if it gets better.

But, I'd also advise you to look at the big picture and think about if there's other reasons you want to break up with him, things that would make the marriage difficult before going through with it. Hope this was a little helpful, and good luck!

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laura717

coming from a guy who has done similar things it is most likely stemming from 2 0r more reasons for me it was insecurity and in my past love I have received has been pretty conditional so a lot of times I felt the need to be reassured that I was still doing enough to earn her love. so my suggestion is ask why he feels its needed and second know it is possible to change this feeling in him but be aware it will help him a lot if you tell and some how show him you love him unconditionally it will take work on both sides but it is possible. So best of luck and if you try this tell me how it works out ok??

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