not really sure what/who I am


So here’s the thing, I’ve been attracted to guys before. Mostly one guy, for basically my entire life, I’ve known him for quite a long time and even now I still have feelings for him.
I am also currently attracted to another woman. My roommate. Who is straight and has a boyfriend (my other roommate.)
I’d like to say I’ve spent my entire adult life being 100% okay, even supportive of the LGBT community. But growing up in a conservative Mormon household, I find it hard to even think that it’s okay for me to be that way. It was kind of drilled into my head that if I ended up being attracted to women, I’d go to hell and everyone in my family would hate me.
So I have a couple questions I guess.
What does this make me? I don’t quite understand it myself and it’s sort of driving me insane.
How do I get past what I was taught and just accept whatever it may be? I want to be happy and I can’t do that if I can’t accept myself.
I’d also like to add that I realize my roommate is straight and there’s nothing I can do about that and I’m okay with that. A little sad but okay.

Category: asked January 12, 2015

3 Answers

It is hard to accept yourself when you know your family or friends will disapprove. I too struggled with who and what I was for a while but I've decided I'm ok with not putting a name to it. Having to put myself into a specific category that made me somehow different to everyone else just doesn't sit right with me personally. The reason that I struggle is mainly because I've always primarily been attracted to men in general but every now and again a woman comes along who turns my head. I mean very rarely. So I'm attracted to men in general but also specific women. Does that make me Bi? I'm not so sure. At one point I thought I was attracted to the idea of being in a relationship with a man but I was sexually more attracted to women. Now that I have got a bit older I realise, if the right woman came along I could be just as happy in a relationship with her than with a man. But I couldn't tell my family this. I honestly don't know what their opinion would be but I wouldn't tell them until the moment when I entered a relationship with said woman.I think the point I'm trying to make is that it has taken me some time to fully assess where my feelings could potentially take me and has taken even more time to accept it, although in truth I haven't fully accepted it yet. I've just come to be ok that I'm attracted to both men and women but I keep it to myself mostly. I have only ever told one of my friends because I knew 100% that she would not judge me and would be ok with it. I know that my best friend in the world would not be so accepting so I have never confessed it to her. I am also ok with that for now. If the moment ever came that I needed to tell her because I entered into a same sex relationship, of course I would tell her. But in order to come to terms with my sexuality I have chosen to keep it to myself until the point where other people have to know. I don't know if any of that helps at all. Just really explaining my situation which I know is a bit different to yours. Also, I'm sorry you have found yourself attracted to someone who doesn't feel the same way and feels that way for someone else. I think we've all been there and it is really hard. Hang in there.
You have to sit alone for about 15 minutes and think of the main reason u like your female roommate ( do u like her personality,or u like her sexually.. ) once you found the answer.You will know who you are.But on the main time,you're a beautiful creature on this little tiny world.
Sorry, this is late, I've been busy and haven't been able to get online for more than a couple minutes. I still don't really know what to do about the situation with my roommate and I don't want to make things weird, so for now I plan to just do nothing. But all of you were right, I thought about it and realized that I don't need to categorize myself and that I should just go with what I feel. So thank you all for that. You guys are amazing and if you ever need to talk, you can send me a message.