No hope

What I want more than anything in life is a good Mother. I would give up everything for someone who loved me and cared for me, and someone who I admire and love back with all my heart. I feel like Mothers are the most precious thing, yet I don’t have one as my Mother is completely uninterested in me and has brought me up in a way I just want to forget and leave behind. But because of my upbringing, it has influenced my present and future, and this makes me hate myself so much that I just want to die and hope that I come back in a life where I have a mother I am close to, or at least one I don’t hate. Because of this unhappiness that follows me everyday, I am ruining all my chances at having a successful life, all I can think about is a loving Mother, and I imagine other people as my mother, then I get jealous which makes me unhappy and depressed and it is a downward spiral from there.
I feel this is a big problem as it is something that just cannot be sorted. There is no remedy. I have given up all thought of trying to have a relationship with my mother, so that is most definitely not an option. She is disgusting and horrible. The only thing I can think of is moving away from everyone I know and starting fresh, being who I want to be without people knowing my past, Uni is the aim, but I don’t know if I can get there with all this stress and depression of wanting a mother pushing me off track. If I can’t get away I feel like my life is over, and God knows what I will do then.
I want to have a baby because then I can make up for my need for a mother, by being everything that baby needs, but that is not an option now as I need to sort my life out before I bring another into the world.
I know this is difficult, but some advice and guidance would be nice as I feel like there is no hope.

Category: Family Tags: depression mother asked September 26, 2013

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LoneDreamer

4 Answers

2 accepted

Your upbringing will always have an influence on who you turn out to be, but it does not decide who you will turn out to be. I think you will be miserable forever if you pin all your happiness on finding a loving mother. Don't put your happiness and self worth on other people because, in the end, you will always be disappointed by them. You were unfortunate to have such a mother, but the important thing is that you move past it and don't let your mother define your life or she wins. You are a strong young lady and you have the power to create your own happiness if you let go of your urge to find someone to love you like a mother, because, honestly, you may never find someone like that and you can't let it destroy you if that doesn't happen.
Once you can learn to love yourself and know that there are other people out there who can love you, even if it's not motherly, I believe you will be happy again. If you can't fix your relationship with your mother, then it might be time to move on. I don't think it's a bad idea to move somewhere where you can get a fresh start. That might be exactly what you need.

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Lizzabeth

1,367

I think you need to learn to be your own mother. Take care of yourself and love yourself. Love other people and let them love you. After you achieve that, you can be someone else's mother.

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rinseandrep

7,397

You just need to find something that you love and surround yourself with people that love you. i love you

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Kristen Lollis

i think you should follow your heart. if you want to move away then do it. and just clear your head. take a minute to relax and just think about all the people who do love and care about you. you cant waste your time thinking about the past. as hard as it sound, i believe you can do it. live in the present. if your mother isnt there to love you. find love in someone else. someday everything will all make perfect sense, so for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

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Marissa