Never ending issue

I have been with my fiancee for about 4years now and i haven’t spoken to my mother or sister for three of those years. My mother has always been the type to break up my relationships. I decided to finally take a stand against her and it felt great, up until she found me on facebook and started sending me abusive and mentally destroying text messages about how unhappy i am and one day I’ll realize that I’ve made a huge mistake etc. She is mentally unstable and has been since i was a child. Her whole family (including her two sisters) have not spoken to her in years and just recently she’s managed to make her way back into the family and at the same time, turning them against me. In all this, i feel sorry for my sister because we had such a great relationship. She has changed a lot though, and become more like my mother and I don’t feel like I want to get to know that person she’s become at this stage. I am getting married in 4months and i feel this is just adding to the stress i already have. I have changed my number 4 times in 2years because she always seems to get it and send me emotionally abusing text messages. I see the pattern – She is doing to me what she did to my father. Kept me away from him and now she’s kept my sister away from me. She is a brainwashing manipulator who always plays victim. She makes everything seem like it’s my fault and i hate her for that. Although there will always be a soft spot for her, i never want to speak to her again. I know she is my mother and you guys can hate if you want to but she’s absolutely destroyed my life. Mentally. It makes me sick when people feel “sorry” for her – no, it’s all lies. Everything she tells everyone about me is all lies! The one thing I will never forget as a child is when she used to hit me numerous times while saying “you remind me of your father, you look so much like him. I hate him so much”.. She keeps blaming her mother for her actions, NO you’re a 46year old woman – grow up and take responsibility for your actions. I have. I lost my grandmother years ago (her mum) and she swore on her grave that she would not come to my wedding, so she’s not getting an invite.. Oh dear, i could go on about what she’s done to me but i won’t.. I don’t hate her, i hate the way she treated me and it will always be imprinted in my head. Will i ever be able to forgive? And will she ever stop trying to get into contact with me? How can i stop her from ruining my entire life?

Category: Depression asked April 12, 2015

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Mislead

832

4 Answers

1 accepted

It's a tough situation. I think you're dealing with it really well. You're taking responsibility for your own life - how you want to live it, who you want to share it with and who you want to keep out of it. It's a well known saying that we don't choose our parents. It is also a universal truth that people only change when they decide for it themselves. It is clear that your mother isn't willing to respect your wishes, boundaries and life choices and shows no interest in changing her attitude. Therefore it is unlikely that she will suddenly stop calling you. You could try blocking her number, blocking her Facebook account, etc. If it turns out that she's stalking you, you could perhaps look at what is available against that in your area - what the law says, etc.
You ask about forgiveness. I think in time you will be able to forgive but you won't forget. Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment and other associated negative feelings. About knowing that what you have in your life now matters more than the past. That doesn't mean that you should have contact with your mother or change the way you're dealing with this situation.
I am sorry that you have lost contact with your sister as well, since you didn't mention any problems between the two of you. Some people feel that they need to take sides in family feuds. Others try to stay out of it. Ultimately it is her decision, nothing you can do about.
On a different note: Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I wish you two all the best!

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Paramount Cast

I know this is probably pointless to say but do you think its possible to sit down and talk about the situation and tell her how you feel and I know the relationship between me and my dad will never be good I'll never be able to see as father more as a good friend

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WhiteButler

That is such an awful position to be in. Seems like though if you do talk with her that nothing will be accomplished and will just end with both of you yelling at each other. If you really want to at least get peace and for her to leave you alone and understand that you hated what she did to you and if she continues to act this way that you respectfully want her to leave you alone and just not contact you. I hope that kind of helps. I really hope this gets resolved for you. :/

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CeciVizz

You are awesome Paramount Cast thank you so much! That was a real eye opener and i really appreciate your kind words. I am beyond grateful, just know you have made this woman smile today!

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Mislead

832