Need advice please! Fast!

I’ll try to keep the story short:
A few years back I had a boyfriend. We had a good relationship and I was just about to meet some of his friends for the first time. One of them was a girl, who was very nice to me and just really fun to hang out with. I really liked her and we started texting each other a lot.

We talked about random things, but one thing that almost always came into the conversation was my bf. How everything was working out between us and stuff. She said I could tell her anything and she’d do her best to help me out if there was any problems. Which I appreciated (I might add that I was young and naive at the time).

But as time passed, I realized that something was going on between them. He said they were just “best friends” but yeah… I could tell that wasn’t the case. She was without a doubt in love with him.

I later found out from my bf that they once had a relationship and that he knew that she still had feelings for him. But that I shouldn’t worry about it and then told me bunch of weird/sick stuff about her to explain why.
But I actually got really mad. Because I started to think that she was just using me to get information about his life and how to be more like the girl he wanted.

I confronted her about it (in fury), being very very mean to her and mentioning everything weird that my bf had told me about her and that I thought she was disgusting, sick in the head and so on. She, of course, freaked out.And we never spoke again.
Though, I felt really bad after what I said. (And even more so, when months later, I found out that he was the culprit. Not her.)

So anyway. This year I found a random blog that I really liked and started to read it everyday since the girl behind it experienced a lot of things that I did. Depression, self harm and all that. The more I read, the more I felt a connection to the writer and found out that we had SO MUCH in common. I really felt that I wanted to get to know her more so I commented her posts with a link to my own blog. After that she started commenting a lot on my posts, saying that she felt the same way and everything. I felt like we could be great friends, and we even lived in the same city.

But the thing is… I RECENTLY FOUND OUT THIS IS THE EXACT GIRL I HAD THE FIGHT WITH YEARS BACK! A very odd coincidence I know but I assure you it’s true (I’ve seen pics of her on the blog and everything, and also her connected facebook. Everything matches!).

By now, I’ve changed my mind about her completely. Now that I know the real truth about her and her past. And I still feel the strong connection to her even though the kinda shocking reveal…
She, however, has no idea that it’s me. She just knows that we’re very much alike and live in the same city. She seems super excited to “get to know me more” and have tried to get to meet me IRL several times! Today she even invited me to a personal New Years Eve party (which I actually want to go to since I don’t have anything else planned)…!

So… What should I do??? Any thoughts how to handle the situation the best way possible? Anything would help!

Category: Dating & Relationships Tags: #lost friend #new years eve #confused asked December 28, 2013

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Kuroi

5 Answers

A short story - I used to not talk to people. I spent a year answering questions in class and telling my parents what I want for dinner, and aside from that, since I had no-one to speak to, I didn't speak all too much. My old best friend from years before - who I suppose was still my best friend since we'd just drifted apart - invited me to her birthday party. It was over the summer holidays, and it was just a meet up at KFC and we all went back to hers and rocked out for a while, but that's not the point.Her boyfriend at the time was a kid called JJ, and I had seen him post on her Facebook a few times and such. I had an argument with him once on there and I didn't get on with him.After that, we met at this party and he was decent. He treated her right, and he was a nice guy to everyone.Turned out he was actually just a complete jerk, and I was right on my first impression online.I think talking to people online shows them as them more, because they can be anyone so they choose to be the person they want to be, and that'll always be the real them, but then when they start knowing people in real life sometimes they have to put on their strange facade to get by, to feel accepted.Also, my current crush and best friend of one year, she hated me at first, and I hated her for deciding that she hated me like that, but after a while we realised we were perfect friends. I hope to go further, I don't know if she does, different story.The point is, people aren't always who you think they are. This girl is probably the decent girl you've met online, and she was just in a bad spot and such when you first met her. besides that, people change.Either way, an apology is in order to her, and an apology to you as well. Aside from that, I recommend you meet in real life, decide on a place and time and date and just show up. If you do it before you apologise, I don't doubt this girl will realise that the person that is the brilliant girl from the net is you, and she'll forgive you because she realises that you were just upset.All will be forgiven in the end of it, you just need to apologise or meet up.Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to ya. ;)

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TheMatter

Hello Kuroi,I think the first thing you would need to do is tell her who you are, and maybe apologise for the things you might have said in the heat of the moment. Show her that you regret what happened and ask if you can start again. Its been a few years since it happened and you're older now, people change. things that might have seemed terrible when you were younger might not be as big a problem now.

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Mara804

Well, I suppose you should identify the many possibilities: a) You could not tell her who you are and then turn up to the party and shock her. There's no telling how she would react, she could be angry with you and cause you to become upset and regretful. Therefore, this is a risky path which I wouldn't recommend. b) You could reveal yourself online in the nicest, most apologetic and understanding way possible and hope she understands. c) You could determine her possible response by turning the question on her, e.g. asking her "If you once knew someone who hurt your feelings, causing you to never speak to her again, and she approached you later having seen the error of her ways and asks you for forgiveness, would you forgive her?" - Whichever path feels the safest to you, choose it. It will be worth the great friendship you could potentially rebuild with her. And if she still invites you to the party, then go, have fun, and have a Happy New Year :)

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EmbarrassedandAshamed

I think you should tell her who you are, do not just show up to her party without her knowing who you are though - it may kill her party mood! Since you've established that the guy was the root of all evil you should both be able to make up again. Obviously it may take some time but you've now both seen sides of eachother that you didn't know about before! Good luck!!

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Shannonrose

Go to the party. Surprise her! And let her know you are sorry. Tell her how you feel and possibly even let her read your question. Nobody can stay mad forever, if you guys are so much alike than she will forgive you too.

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Austin H.

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