She has done for a year abouts. I’ve only been with her for three months on the 18th abouts (though we had an ambiguous start).
She’s not afraid of death (but is of pain). She always tells me that I’m the only thing she looks forwards to, that I’m the only person that’s been able to make her better and that I make her happy, that I make her feel safe and good.
The thing is that we’re both too busy with our school lives, and me with my band and her with her drama also, to spend; too much time together and she gets upset every time we have to leave or I can’t meet up with her.
She uses sharpener blades that she takes out with a pair of pliers to cut, and she’s nearly bled herself out several times before, as well as attempting to overdose on painkillers like ibuprofen or paracetamol. She’s used all kinds of sharps to cut.
She’s currently in the process of getting referred to someone who can help her psychologically, which is what she needs. I just need to keep her alive until she’s stable, but that’s more than difficult, more than just time consuming.
I’m struggling to manage all of this on top of my own life. I can’t live for two and as Jim Adkins sings, ‘you can’t keep safe what wants to break’, right?
I’m gonna be getting my own help soon, by the way.
