My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. Our relationship is overall pretty great. There’s just one problem. First off, I’m not the most self-confident girl and I have a problem thinking I’m good enough. What is making it even worse is my boyfriend watching porn. I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking at girls online. We watch porn in the bedroom together and I personally enjoy it. I look at porn. I find sex fascinating. I like to get ideas on moves I can try and things I can do differently. (Unless we are in the bedroom together I don’t watch it to get off). I won’t lie I’ll look at some pictures of guys and drool but, it’s all fantasy I love my boyfriend and don’t need anyone else. F.Y.I. We still actively have sex… My problem comes into play here. Is it because I’m not good enough? Do I not thrill him? He seems to do it ALL the time… I go to work M-F (he’s currently out of a job.) and he will watch something at least three, if not all of those days while I’m working. When he was working he would wait until I was asleep to lock the office door and do it. On the weekends I’m generally home all day and he won’t but if I jump in the shower or run an errand he’s got to watch one. Am I being to insecure? Is this normal? (He’s been this way for all two years. He was this way before me. Before me he didn’t have a girlfriend for a few years.) Has this just turned into an addictive habit? Is it me? Should I ask him? I have tried bringing this up before. I was kind of nervous and asked “What is the difference between having sex with me and looking at porn?” He said “Sex every day in a relationship makes it lose its spark.” (I am ok with this, I agree.) “I don’t have to jerk off or have an orgasm to look at girls online.” (But the only way I know is because of the wadded toilet paper on his office desk.. So something’s happening right?) The only other thing I can think of doing is directly asking if he’s doing it because he’s not getting what he needs from me. (But 1. I am not really ready to ask that until I find out if I’m overreacting and 2. Who’s to say he will tell the truth?) I don’t know. I just want to stop feeling like this is all because I can’t please him and I’m not good enough? I feel like the only fixes are 1. To start feeling better about myself. 2. For him to try to be more discreet. Don’t make it so easy for me to find out. 3. To figure out if it is me or if it is something he just has the need to do.
All advice is appreciated,
Thanks in advance!
