Is this abuse?

Firstly, let me say this: My parents are wonderful people. I love them. They’ve given me everything: a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and the ability to go to college. I love them. But there are a few issues.

They don’t want me to do what I want to do with my life. They’re pushing me in the direction they want me to go, and yell at me and threaten me with things like mental hospitals and taking away all of their financial support if I don’t go to school.

There are instances where they say really mean things to me and guilt me to make me feel bad about things that are very normal. It’s made me very sad over time and I feel like I’m not good enough. They tell me I’m irresponsible and that I need to grow up, although I have a part time job, full time college, and I invest my time in my band.

I can never make them proud. They yell at me about small things. So. I don’t know anymore. Is this abuse?

Category: Family asked September 17, 2013

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Mailreaper

9 Answers

I also can't say for sure if it's abuse, some people's idea of it is convoluted and it varies obviously. But it does seem like your parents are being a bit unfair if they are threatening you to become a certain profession in the future even if that isn't what you want. But sometimes parents do that, I know my friend is on the path to med school even though blood freaks him out yet he's still going through with it because his mom told him to. It is a little messed up that they are saying they refuse to pay your tuition and support you, but, I'm assuming you are of age? So if you want to do something, -I think you are talking about your band- then do it. Yeah maybe they won't support you anymore but if you have a job then that should help you some. If you don't want to go to college anymore your parents can't force you to do anything you know? So if you want to go off and do your own thing I think you should, but just know if you decide to go that route you won't have your parents support. But it's your future and your decision, it isn't right for your parents to decide for you, you have to make that choice yourself

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bricheese

3,768

Yeah, it's my band and being a tattoo artist that they say is a "bad career that'll never get you anywhere" and whatever else. The biggest reason I believe it's emotional abuse is because of the way I feel, and how insignificant and hopeless I am all the time, just because they push it on me.But Yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to do my own thing. I'm just scared because I don't feel like I have my own financial support to do that. I'm 19, so I can do what I want, but. I don't have credit built up, I don't have my own health insurance or car insurance (although I do pay for my own car). It's all very... very confusing. And making this decision in the next year is going to be so so stressful. I can't handle it.

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Mailreaper

im not sure if its abuse maybe verbal? but you know parents always want what is best for you... or what they think is best for you. I think you should do what makes you happy. yeah college is a great but, i think you need to ask youreself what makes you happy? i know you love you're parents but you should also care for you :) message me if you would like to talk im here for you

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Miracle

I understand where you're coming from, my parents can be relatively the same way. Except not quite as crude with their methods.To start with, when a child is born that child's parents imagines a life that the kid will follow as they grow up. This is, at least most of the time, why parents push children to go this way. Why they are unaccepting of change or you gaining your independence. Now, at one point I was told some amazing advice which could come in handy with this situation. "It is easier to ask forgiveness then to ask permission."I think although they make all these threats, if you know that the way they are pushing you will make you unhappy then I believe it would be wise to take a risk and choose your own path. Considering you're in college it is no longer their life to control, and rather your own.Is it abuse? From what I see that you posted they mostly belittle you, and this is due to the reasons above most of the time. To answer your question though, if it is putting you into a mental strain and you feel hurt by it then Yes, it is what many consider Mental Abuse.Perhaps suggest a family therapist?

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The Butler Trancy
0

Well I don't know if it's really "abuse", I would say it's just that you're in a very hostile environment. To me there's kind of a fine line between what would be considered abuse (in all of it's forms) and being surrounded in a stifling, hostile setting. If your parents are threatening you then I would consider taking to someone you can trust to talk about it. Maybe even your school guidance counselor because they could do something about it if they feel the need to remove you from that environment if it's making you feel stressed or uncomfortable. But yes, by all means do what you want with your life. It's your future and you're the one that's going to be experiencing it, not your parents. So go with your gut instinct

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mullofkintyre
30

This can be considered mental and /or verbal abuse. They prevent you from living your life the way you want to which is pretty wrong, really.

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Kim
0

My boyfriend is in LITERALLY the same position, im even contemplating whether this is my boyfriend hahaha. I know its hard, but they just want the best for you. Its not abuse. Maybe sit them down, talk to them, tell them that you love them and be kind. If it doesnt work and you start to argue, tell them you want to move out. Shock them. Pack your bags, stay with a friend or family member. It might work? who knows.

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Kayleigh
20

It definitely sounds like they are handling it poorly, at best. But I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that they do want the best for you. It sounds like you're already in college. Why not finish it? You admit you don't have the means to support yourself. Keep working to save some money. Finish up the degree, it likely won't hurt you ;), and may even come in handy one day when you decide you want a change from what you're doing. You'll likely never regret finishing college, but the odds are greater that you will regret not finishing. But your folks really need to chill. :)

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Penelope
10

In my opinion, this is CLEARLY emotional and verbal abuse. Especially if it is making you feel the way you do about yourself. It may not be happening all the time. But if they have instilled in you that you are insignificant and hopeless. This type of abuse gets overlooked, especially when the parents provide for the child. They think that they have the right to control that childs life at whatever expense. I wouldn't go to them and say "You're abusing me!" But I would outline what you are feeling because of what they are saying and the impact it is having on your emotional state. Try to compromise with them in your goals in life, if you are able to.

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Belle & Her Beast
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