Okay, so recently my sixteen year old sister got pregnant. This was a problem from the start not just because she was going to have a kid. The guy who got her pregnant has been a problem since the day she met him (Since she met him she started drinking, smoking and acquired three felony charges) He’s total bad news. And she was already considering dropping out of school before she got the news but the pregnancy made her throw in the towel.
I’ve been up front that I’m upset about it. She’s smart, and has a lot of potential and she was throwing all of it away. I didn’t tell her but I was sure that it was better if she gave the baby up for adoption. Give it a better life. But she wanted to keep it.
Today, she came back from an ultrasound and the baby had no heartbeat. She’s devastated but I can’t bring myself to feel much of anything. I hate for my sister to be upset about anything but I don’t think this is a bad I can’t bring myself to feel much of anything other than apathy and guilt for feeling only apathy.
This has happened before. I’ve had family members try to kill themselves in the past and there was the same indifference. I don’t want anything to happen to them but beyond that there’s nothing.
I considered that maybe this was me trying to distance myself but I feel no underlying emotions either. There is just nothing.
I considered that maybe my depression may be a cause but honestly, I think I might just be a bad person. Maybe I just can’t feel that deeply.
