I have known someone years which I love and want to marry, (he is 56 and I am 49) but I realized he plays poker twice a week to cover his expenses. He says he is not addicted to it if he has the income. He works for himself as AutoCAD designer (was an architect in his country), but last 2 years there were difficulties to find enough projects. When I asked him to try to find another job like full time in a company, he answered,” It is hard for me after 10 years working for myself, to work for someone else” so if there are projects he gets them and works at home and he hopes the poker game will help him pays the rest of the bills. Is this game dangerous for our future life? Or his attitude of resisting to work for others? I have lost trust on him because he did not want to lose me and he was not telling me that he was going to the play room twice a week. Now that I realized and he admitted it, it is my call to continue or not with him, but the reason for asking is that I love him very much and don’t want to lose him at the same time afraid of trusting him. I am a professional making 140,000 a year and pay my mortgage and all bills. When I ask how he sees our future together, he says it might not be necessary to play poker and I might find a job working from home in USA (he is from Canada), but we don’t know what the next future will be. We live the today and not know tomorrow…is his thinking. He is extremely bright person not only in school but he has a lot of knowledge in a lot of areas (poetry, music, art, books, knows 4 languages) which was the reason why we felt in love. We know each other since high school lived in the same city in Europe but never met or talked at that time, now he lives in Canada and me in USA. We got together 1.5 years ago (he contacted me) and met with each other 7 times now. Any advice will be appreciated.
Well you may discount what I have to say because of my age and that's OK I understand if you do. But it seems to me that if he actually uses the poker game as a means to supplement to his income that he is taking a pretty big risk. I know that there are professional poker players who make a crap ton of money. But based on what you wrote, I'm suspecting that if you total his winnings that they are less than his total losses so his argument is not valid. It sounds like he already has an addiction. But on another note, I see how he could be resistant to going back to work for someone else, but it seems like the adult thing to do would be to suck it up and do it until he gets back on track. As long as he has the gambling problem I would be wary about co-joining your finances. I hope that you can work it out before he hits retirement and social security.
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