Is my relationship worth saving?


We’ve been together 2 years. When we met we were both so independent. Now I am a full time student chasing my dreams and he’s been promoted at his job where he’s been for now nine years. We struggle with trust and loyalty issues due to past events that we’re obviously not over yet. We do love one another but the stress has taken it’s toll on us. He’s become such a different person than the man I learned to love. We live together and if we do separate he’s without a place to go and I’ll be forced to drop out of school due to the fact that a p.t job will not pay all of my bills and help me support my 8 year old son. I am a strong believer that one should never relay on another being to survive. I’ve been independent since moving out on my own with my son at a very young age. Now years later I am the epitome of what I have never wanted to become. We don’t stay together for the wrong reason, that isn’t the question.

Category: asked January 21, 2015

1 Answer

Ms. Wonderous,

It sounds like you're in a tough situation! Keep in mind that you know your situation infinitely better than I do and these are only my opinions.

I believe that in love, where that love is true, you should be able to grow old with the person, regardless of the number of times they change. You've changed too. As you said you were all for independance and all that, and you're currently working on figuring out what happened to you (the change is nothing wrong- everybody changes). He is a different person now- he's grown in his career, was promoted etc. You need to learn to adjust to these changes, or any long-term relationship will be difficult for you. I'm not saying you dont try now, and I don't know whether he's trying or not.

I do believe however that the larger problem is issues dealing with trust and loyalty have NOT BEEN RESOLVED yet! Everything else aside, you guys need to resolve these before you start looking at anything else. If you guys can't let go of those issues, it may be better to let him go. I don't know if this was a case of unfaithfulness, but if it was, you know best what you can or can't deal with. If you think the issue may repeat itself, consider letting him go. Look into scholarships or any other type of funding, such as government funding.

Talk to your boyfriend about everything you mentioned starting with the past issues. YOu don't have to throw all of this at him in one sitting. Work your way through it.

You sound like a bright girl and you love your son. You'll make the right decision! All the best etc!