Is my best friend secertly jealous of my pervious relationship with her current boyfriend?


So a little over a year ago I had feelings for my best guy friend, and the last time we saw each other we had kissed. It was a big move on my part since I just got out of a 3 year relationship that ended pretty harshly. He came down from NM on his summer break and then went back without a word back from him. I waited and waited 3 months with no reply and ended up getting with someone that I’m currently with at the moment. My guy friend said he was afraid to ruin our friendship so he didn’t want to date me but he toyed with my feelings so I was hurt. Then all of a sudden he got interested in my best girl friend and they connected obviously because she’s similar to me. I got over the hurt and tried to re connect my friendship with him and ended up feeling like I was fighting over my two friends. I felt like she was whispering in his ear that I wanted him, and he believed her because he’s “in love” with her and was ready to cut me off like nothing. I feel like since then I’ve lost my best guy friend and secretly she is jealous of me. She’d throw how she’s hanging with him and how amazing he is and how he never liked “her” which was me. I don’t know how to confront her without loosing both parties. I love them both but I hate feeling like this, you know? She was suppose to see me 7 months ago but chose to be with him over me. I see their relationship as a joke because how can he say those things to her when they were the exact same things he said to me? He couldn’t give me a try when I clearly wanted him but he was too scared to loose me but isn’t scared enough to loose her? see my conflict? I just want to be friends without feeling like someone’s talking behind my back.

Category: Tags: asked March 28, 2014

3 Answers

Darling, unfortunately for you - this point on, things will never be the same with you and your best friend. There are still unresolved issues between you and your ex friend (now your best friends boyfriend). First and foremost she shouldn't have got involved with him knowing you two had a 'thing' in the first place. She has intentionally put you in an awkward position and is now choosing him over you. I say go for it - confront her, alone and her reaction will tell you right away if she's worth keeping around or not. Here you are, suffering inside while them two are off together enjoying their lives. There is a point in a friendship where it's pushed to the limit - and you've reached yours. Even if you THINK or SAY that it will be OK, deep down inside you'll always have these gut-wrenching feelings of 'what could've been' or 'what was' in the past. Please do yourself a favor and put your heart & mind at ease by confronting her and get a better understanding of why she's acting like a total bitch to you. It's the only way you'll ever know, unfortunately we're not mind readers right? As far as she knows, maybe she doesn't even realize it's affecting you the way it is. I really hope you can gain the courage to speak to her! Keep smiling <3
For a situation such as this, confront your best friend (in person if possible) and get down to why she's acting this way. The harsh truth behind this is that friends who treat you this way don't deserve your friendship. This would also be the same with your ex-friend as well. Now, this isn't to say that the possibility of both of you being friends again is none, but it would be difficult to patch things up after everything that's happened. What you actually feel the need for is a resolve to the situation. With the way things are now, it feels incomplete because neither your friend or ex-friend are telling you anything, which is completely their fault. Once you've confronted your friend, I'd say talk with the guy and settle things with him. There's no need to show kindness to a man who throws away your feelings and ignores your opinions. I know it feels like shit, trust me. But the feeling you get when you know the answers is liberating, and it allows you to make any decision you want without feeling confined or restricted by others.
It doesn't sound like much of a secret that she's jealous. They obviously don't care about you. This is not what friends do. They blew it. You're better off without them and the silly drama they bring. If they ever want a chance to be friends with you again, let THEM be the ones who approach YOU, not the other way around.