I chatted my ex that i wanted to break up with her only to find out that it was a big misunderstanding when we had our closure. i was in pain that i made a regretful decision of letting her go. We are sort of in a long distance relationship together because we’re both in a different university. It just showed that we lacked communication. In our closure, we both still love each other very much though. I wanted to take back the break up but she said she wants to be by herself for now. She wants to learn how to love herself and be happy with her life without me. Our relationship for the past month is very rocky because she’s insecure and i myself am not that mature yet. She was very dependent of me so i told her i respect her decision and that i’d wait for us to get back and become better individuals by then. She told me we can always still be friends but not to expect because i might get hurt but i insisted that i’d wait for her because i truly love her. Recently though i’ve become a mess because i missed her a lot. I’ve started drinking to cope with the fact that i lost her, i kept stalking her social medias and it hurts to see her that in just a couple of days she seems more happy with other people than being with me. I know i should be happy for her. I want to be for her, but i hate that im so selfish i can’t help being heartbroken. I always chat her everyday to let her know that im still here for her and so that she won’t forget me. I feel like such a fool. Should i still wait for her? She did say she still loves me.. but i can’t stop overthinking with the thought that she might fall in love with someone else. I mean it’s possible right? Even if she did say she wants to be by herself for a year or so? It kills me to think it won’t be me anymore, that i can’t be there for her and someone else will. Although it hurts, i have this strong feeling that i do not want to move on because i want to always remember where i went wrong and improve myself on that in hopes that we’ll soon get back. I also don’t want to let go of our memories together because it’s too precious for me. I need an advice, i’ve been so depressed. I find it hard to be happy with this feeling in my chest.
