Is it okay to fear you’re boyfriend ?


Hi, my name is malea and I fear my boyfriend .
Me and my ex use to date and we had issues and he use to hit me , push me and ect.
So now I am with my new boyfriend and every time we argue he puts his hand up and I think he will hit me and I run I just run and the other day he yelled at me why do you never talk to me .? And I could not answer?

Category: Tags: asked October 25, 2014

5 Answers

What you went through with your past boyfriend made you fear your current one. So yes, it is okay that you fear him because it's understandable. But, with that being said, the person you are with should make you feel content and not cause you to be filled with fear. You should talk to your current boyfriend and see if he really is going to hurt you because chances are because of your past experience, your mind is assuming the worst. But, if you don't have the courage to talk to your boyfriend or be around him, then maybe you need to give yourself some time to heal from your previous relationship before having a new one.
It is very possible that if you mentioned to this boyfriend about what your ex did, he may be able to use it as a threat. Regardless, even if he is raising his hand to you like he will hit you, or the fact that in the relationship at all... IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD RELATIONSHIP AND YOU MUST GET OUT BEFORE IT GETS WORSE. It is really hard to get out of abusive relationships, but just make sure you are safe in whatever you do. If you are going to leave this person, confide in a few friends, letting them know your plans, etc.
No, it is absolutely not okay to fear anyone that way. Your abuser was wrong for abusing you, and you are simply defending yourself in your fear, but what must be done is that you have to confront and accept what happened to you so that you can move on and live a happy life.

It was a terrible thing that was done to you, but if you hold on to that fear, it will follow you for as long as you let it.

I recommend that you talk to someone about your abuser and your abuser. Talk through your past in full disclosure; talk about your fears, what you thought at the time, your confusion, your anger, everything. You need to go back and fully process what happened to you. Some part of your mind is holding on to that fear, and in order to let it go, you have to work through the source of the fear; your memories of that awful relationship.

Also, visit for vital information on recognizing, surviving, escaping and ultimately preventing abusive relationships.

If you would like to discuss this further, my inbox is always open.
Thanks @ hannah sedgwick we have talked about it already and he said he would never hit me because he loves me . I just feel that he will because everytime my old boyfriend got mad he would just slap me , punch me or whatever he could do . And I'm trying to recover I really am but I'm scared to death I know he won't but at the same time o think he will.
Okay. First of all, your ex seems like he was the spawn of satan. No offense. But anyways, I know what you mean. It's not a strange thing at all. If your used to someone abusing you, your first instinct will be to shield and protect yourself. But hopefully you won't ever have to do that again. If he acts like he's going to hit you, that's a sign that you probably shouldn't be involved with him because he's threatening you. You need to do what's safest for your being and what makes you happiest because your a precious human being and you matter. :)