Is it ok for father of my children to help me financially?

He works as an independent painter (but he has no advertisement going) He works specifically through word of mouth (which to me just isn’t right. you cant sit around and wait for work to come to you!) I do not remember the last time he worked M-F, or over 30hrs a week. He has never had no benefits, no savings, no ira’s or any type of future plan. He is 35yrs old. I watched this for 10+ years. I worked and took care of everything. Some weeks in the winter he has absolutely NO work. We have 3 kids, 2 together. 2yrs ago i decided to finally buy a home for our family. We talked alot abt this and he promised that he would be there to help take care of things, hed find more work, do whatever hes gta do. this never happened. And when he did work he still had a hard time ever giving me anything out of his checks. After having numerous disconnection notices, having to charge up my cards because stuff breaks or goes wrong in house or vehicle…(I dont have any extra money now to save as extra for when these kinds of emrgs), my credit has declined and im working over 40 hrs a week and Still struggling. I have recently had to ask him to leave. I’m beginning to resent him for this stress in having and foe my shoulders being weighed down so much juat because he feels he doesnt need to work!!! We argue and I complain all the time about me having to live paycheck to paycheck struggling trying keep all bills paid and kids fed w clothes and everything else 3 kids need…he yells at me that all I care about is money, he says I need to care abt love and see that he has That for me, he’ll say stupid stuff like sorry hes not rich but he does what he can and also always brings up how me he helps me by cleaning the house or picking kids up from school and that I need to realize that. I need to quit thinking hes worthless just bcuz he cant help financially at all. I mean this is the mentality he has!! Idk its driving me crazy, mad, sad, I am starting to hate him and he doesnt understand in the least bit WHY. He thinks I’m turning mean. How do I get it thru to him that its not about the money! Its about letting some of this stress off my conscious, giving me some leeway! He is capable of working just as much as i do! Things would be sooo much better for our family!! Augh I love him but I hate him.

Category: Family asked October 19, 2014

link

Kel

1 Answer

If I've learned anything in my 17 years, it's that you can't change other people unless they want it, and right now it seems as though he doesn't want to change so much as get defensive, and that isn't a very healthy attitude to live with. I get that you love him, but he needs to be able to understand that raising kids isn't easy financially speaking, and there's no way to really get through to him, unless he decides to reflect on his behaviour himself. However, he may have his own problems, and that may be the cause of him getting defensive. I think that you need to make a plan, financially speaking. It's going to get extremely difficult for you to pay for the children's needs; assuming they're kids now, it might seem manageable, but when they're older they might need laptops or GDCs for high school, and don't even get me started on college. When they're teens they may want to go shopping or go to the bowling alley with their friends, and you have no idea how much it will hurt then to tell them "we don't have the money for it", trust me, I've seen it with my own parents. As a father and a husband he needs to step up to the plate, so tell him frankly about the situation that you're in. If he talks about how he cleans the house or picks up the kids, tell him that you appreciate him for that, but it just isn't enough. He needs to advertise his business and try to make more money. And in life, you can only try your best, and the outcome is not up to you because there are so many more variables. But step one is just to try. And that means you yourself have to try to change something about this situation by having a frank but respectful conversation with him. Set your boundaries and tell him what is needed for this to be a functional family unit. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour:)

link

Ash

202