In love with my English teacher. Please help.

I really need help on this, and I will appreciate any advice given, whatsoever.

I’m a 16 year old girl, and I have feelings for my female English teacher, in her mid thirties. I’m completely straight otherwise. I had her as a teacher last year, and over the course of the year developed feelings for her, to the point where I couldn’t participate in class because of how nervous I was around her.

At the end of the year I found out I wouldn’t be having get as a teacher again this year, and I was completely distraught. Over the summer, however, I realized its best to not have her this year so I can get over her. I went the whole summer with hardly missing her, and was sure I was done with those feelings. Today at school, I saw her in the hall and completely freake out internally, more so than I do when I are a boy I have a crush on. I know these feelings are real.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I’m attracted to her, other than the fact that she had some boyish qualities. She’s not exactly pretty, either. I’ve thought that maybe if she were a man these feelings would be reasonable, but somehow my mind is perfectly fine with the fact that she’s a woman.

Does anyone have any idea what they would do in a situation like this? I’m kid of disgusted with myself. I wouldn’t dare tell anyone I know personally about this, and this is the first time I’m seeking help. I don’t want to like her for multiple reasons, yet I can’t seem to convince myself not to. Please, please help.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked August 20, 2013

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Olivia Summers

3 Answers

It sounds like you're really distressed by the these feelings. Have you ever heard of transference? If not, google it and see if it makes sense in this situation. It's often discussed in the context of feelings that a person might develop for their therapist. Basically, transference happens when you project your feelings and needs from other important relationships onto another person (your teacher).Ask yourself what needs your teacher is meeting for you. Or what needs do you wish that a connection with her would meet? Feeling special? Acknowledged?Maybe if you can figure out what it is you're wishing for, you'll be able to figure out healthy ways of getting those needs met and your strong feelings may decrease.I really feel for you. I've been in a similar situation, and I remember it being very painful and confusing. There's nothing wrong with your feelings. They're just feelings, they can't hurt you and you're not hurting anyone else. Let yourself be curious about where they come from and use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you can get your needs met.All the best sweetie, don't be too hard on yourself.

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bodhi

Thank you so much for your responses. I feel so much better. I looked up transference and it sounds spot-on. The only problem is that I'm not sure who I'm relating her to. I'll try to figure that out, and work towards forgetting about my feelings. I'm so happy I decided to ask for help. Just putting a name to my feelings somehow makes things better, because I know I'm not crazy. Gah. Thank you!!

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Olivia Summers

It's understandable that you would develop a fondness for your teacher. Spending a lot of time with someone, you're bound to have feelings for them.I can see the age-gap being a problem (that would make anyone uncomfortable), but there's no need for you to feel disgusted with yourself. There's no real reason why you'd have a problem with her being a woman, have you considered the possibility that perhaps your bisexual?Why don't you try transferring the feelings you have for her onto someone else? It might be a difficult process, but it would make you feel a little less disgusted with yourself.Hope this helped a little.

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