Don't think of confidence a a thing you need to get, think of it as a measurement of what you already have. Temperature is a handy metaphor, so from now on confidence is hot and the opposite, insecurity, is cold. For the rest of time just think of confidence like that and its the only tip you'll ever need on 'having' it.
If you're socially awkward and its got you feeling insecure, that doesn't mean you aren't confident. That means you're socially awkward, which, frankly, doesn't even mean you're socially awkward. Because usually, when people say they're "socially awkward" what they really mean is that they feel awkward when they're faced with having to interact socially. That awkwardness is interpreted as negative, and negative experiences will lower your confidence, making you feel insecure. Then, because you always feel insecure after a social interaction, you logically conclude that social interaction must be the problem, and you must be bad at it.But insecurity can be brought on by negative and positive experiences. Getting a bad grade, negative experience. But getting a great grade.. and realizing that people now expect a certain level of excellence from you, and now you've got to maintain that and what if you can't? That can also be profoundly demoralizing. Don't assume that because you're used to failing at something, you must be bad at it. You probably understand social interaction better than you give yourself credit for, but you don't consider that when you were a child you thought it was socially appropriate to piss on the rug. You had to learn not to do that. You also had to learn to recognize other social queue's, like raising your hand before you speak, clapping at the appropriate moment during a life performance, and billions of other tiny details you don't even recognize as part of your social programming. Its really important not to confuse feeling bad about something with being bad at something. You're not socially awkward, you just haven't been on a winning streak lately. That can change.I find that people who struggle with social interaction are often in their heads thinking about what they have to do right now in order to keep things from getting awkward, but other people can tell when you're listening to them and when you're hearing the words they're saying while thinking about something else that's making you uncomfortable, and because almost everyone struggles with insecurity, when they sense you getting uncomfortable, they're probably going to assume its because they've done something wrong, and then they start wondering what they've done, and then they start getting uncomfortable... you see where this leads.So in order to change the way you're interactions are going, change something you're doing. Try listening earnestly. If you're approaching all your social interactions with the preconceived idea that you're socially awkward, you probably don't have a lot of free space in your mind to actually genuinely pay attention to what anybody else is saying or doing, and you might be missing out on some really obvious social queues that could tell you whats really going on. This isn't a fix-all solution, and this advice may not be the advice that you specifically need. All I can tell you is that based on your ability to judge yourself, you demonstrate a considerable understanding of social interaction, which tells me that you're not bad at it so much as you're worried by it. If that's true, you should know that your own negative thinking will generate negative feedback, regardless of how socially graceful you may or may not already be, so don't worry about it even if you do still think you're awkward, tension is created by wishing things were different than they are. Don't wish things were different then, and instead learn to appreciate the moment. That's what listening is really all about, anyways. Tuning into another person in the moment, so you can understand what their moment feels like.
