So, long story incoming.
When I was in elementary school, I was by most definitions of the term, an outcast. I almost always sat alone, liked working alone and didn’t connect with too many people. While, at the time I was fine with this itself, the outcome was a different story. During the last few years of elementary school, I was picked on heavily by just about everyone in some form or another. I never really trusted anyone, because even the people I trusted the most turned their back on me for the approval of others, it seemed. As a result of all this, I developed some incredible trust issues. To this day, I trust absolutely nobody or their judgement, and this includes myself. Sometimes, it feels like I’m arguing against myself with several different parties in my head when I think about doing anything, and this as a result has caused me to never really discover what I want or who I am. Now, I’m in my second year of secondary school, and for a time, secondary school was far better than elementary school. Recently, though, I’ve realized the reason for something that has plagued me for years, which is that I always feel tired, can never sleep properly and I’m always hiding in some form or another. This is all because I am afraid of being alone, singled out, etc. I have no idea how to escape these fears, trust issues and discover who I am, and it’s incredibly mentally taxing on me.
