I met this guy on an online dating site, we’ve been seeing each other for a few months now. During that period, we had a great time getting to know each other, I even lost my virginity to him. He is 26 and I’m 20, but that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me though, is if he is seeing other girls while seeing me. It makes me feel like shit and not good enough. I’ve tried asking countless of times, but it always gets stuck in my throat. I really like him and I’m sure he likes me too or else we wouldn’t continue seeing each other, but I feel like he doesn’t like me enough to go meet other girls. I’m scared of the truth. He’s the first guy I’ve ever grown attached to, he showed me what it’s like to be loved and happy with a partner. I’m terrified of losing him because I know if his answer isn’t what I want to hear I’d have to end things with him. Part of me wants to accept him seeing other girls, as long as I can be with me, but the other part is writhing in sadness and frustration and want to end things now. The emotions I go through every time he he goes on his profile, or if any girl he randomly adds on his facebook, or he disappears for two days without sending me a reply and later replying as if it was nothing. I know I’m naive and stupid to believe some of the sweet things he says, but I can’t help it. It’s not like he treats me terribly at all! It’s just the fact that I’m not the only girl for him. I want to push him away, but I know I don’t have enough strength to do it. I never knew what it was like to like someone so much. He makes me happy but that feeling of insecurity just itches all the time. And it doesn’t help when I over think and make up scenarios. Is it because I’m 6 years younger? I look too cute and not sexy and mature looking enough to him? Yes, the things he told me about his past does scare me away sometimes, but he’s sincere and caring. Sigh, I’m tired of games and am starting to get dizzy in this endless merry-go-round ride, no matter how fast it goes, I don’t think I can ever put my foot out and leave.
