I’m afraid of love

I really need someones help because this isn’t like me. Well to make things clear on how this lead on, I guess I should start off from the beginning. It was about a week ago and my friend tagged me in a picture on Instagram and someone saw the picture and thought I looked interesting so he followed me. We started talking [and yes, I know that's a dumb way to meet someone] and he was being really flirtatious. Like the way he’s been flirtatious was like when he told me that “he’s thankful for me” or calling me cute nicknames. I don’t get how he’s able to talk to me like that when we only knew each other for a week, but last night we FaceTimed for the first time and we were on it for 3 hours straight and we were talking like a normal couple, but we’re not even dating. Like he has my complete trust and he can tell me anything and he’s treating me like a relationship out of a movie, like Katniss and Peeta from The Hunger Games for example. He’s really sweet and kind, but I don’t know if I should be suspicious. I even asked him if he did anything like being unloyal and he said no, but I’m still hesitant about that. I mean he’s even comfortable saying this gushy love stuff around his younger brother and he doesn’t do anything about it, but last night he could tell that I didn’t have complete trust in him yet, but I feel like all of this is so sudden. I just don’t want to be used again for sex, I don’t want to be seen as a meal. He told me to take all the time I need to trust him, but I got a tiny feeling that he was kind of upset. I’ve been used so many times before that it’s really hard to gain my trust and he says the same thing and that we can both relate to each other, but the last time this happened to me, I found out they were just using me. I mean, I want to start things off slow, but the couple of times before when I tried explaining this to guys, they went to another girl. Like I am willing to be in a relationship, but take cautious steps. I told him all of what I’m saying now last night and he totally understood and he doesn’t judge me. I’m just afraid to become close with somebody because I know one point they’ll leave me and the effects are devastating. I get too attached easily and I can be clingy at times. Like how will I know if he’s not talking to other girls or just using me? And my anxiety has sky rocketed and also I feel sick to my stomach and I could barely get any sleep last night because I don’t know if this is right or wrong. Like I’m so scared that I’m on the verge of tears. I’m sorry for this long rant, but what should I do? I can’t tell anybody else this, I really need help.

link

Brooke Cherry

3 Answers

Brooke, take a breath, you just met this guy. He has potential, and you can take all the time you need before sex is coming in the picture. He knows your feelings and if it bothers him and he "leaves" or pressures you despite it, you will have dodged a bullet!

link

rinseandrep

7,397

First off, take a deep breath. This anxiety isn't going to do you any good. I hear where you're coming from because I've been in the same boat as you before, or at least some similar to it. Who cares how you guys met, if you guys have feelings for each other, you guys have feelings for each other. Simple as that. However, I think it's really important that you do take it slow. I'm glad he's encouraging you to take all the time you need because it sounds like time is what you need. In regards to those guys in your past who moved on when you asked for time, they didn't deserve you. Cliche, but good things don't come easy. Trust doesn't come easy. Love doesn't come easy. I know you're scared to trust him, but I just want to leave you with this piece of thought that I got at one point in my life: Love doesn't lose, giving up does .
I'm not sure if this is the answer you're looking for, but I hoped I helped in some way. Good luck!

link

118

Take a deep breath and calm down. You're not alone, Brooke.

The bottom line is that you'll never be able to know another person's mind. They can always say one thing and mean another. That doesn't mean they aren't being honest with you, it just means that you have to take things at face value. You have to trust him to tell the truth. It is hard, but it can be done. My rule of thumb is to trust someone until they give me a reason not to; if they lie about little things, chances are they will lie about big things and caution is needed when interacting with them. Pay close attention to his words and facial expressions/body language when you talk to him on FaceTime or in person - they are the biggest indicators to someone's true feelings and emotions behind their words.

Voice your concerns clearly and concisely. Tell him that you think things are moving too fast. If he really cares, really wants a relationship with you, he will be willing to go at a pace that makes you comfortable. A real man will never pressure or rush his lady into anything she isn't ready for. If he isn't willing to wait until you are comfortable, he isn't worth your time.

That being said, you can't hold what has happened to you in the past against him. He deserves a fair chance as do you. He is not who you have dated in the past; you are not who he has dated in the past. Wipe the slate clean and enjoy the newness of this friendship as it develops into more. Take it a day at a time and don't force yourself to speed up to meet his expectations. Don't let yourself get walked all over or used because you are so much better than that. Stand up for yourself if it comes to that and don't be afraid of losing someone that would end up being toxic to you - and trust me, if he's pressuring you into things you're not ready for, he IS toxic.

Best of luck, Brooke. Remember to keep your head held high. You are a pretty, intelligent young woman and deserve to be treated as such. Don't settle for anything less.

link

JoJo

1,147