Is it wrong that I want to look emaciated and want life threatening diseases to help lose weight? I am not anorexic (Wish I was though). Although many people have told me that I am not normal, I love food way too much to have a disorder.
18- 92 pounds-4ft 11/ 5ft 1ish For the past 3 years I have been struggling with my weight and people tell me I’ve become obsessive. They don’t understand though. I may look petite but I have a ridiculous pot belly. My arms and legs are more muscle than fat, even then they’re extremely thin and bony. Being Pakistani we don’t exactly have the healthiest of diets, but my folks insist that everything homemade is healthy and force me to eat it. Don’t get me wrong, I love asian food; all food.
I would miss meals so I can use those calories for a small chocolate or ice cream. I hate missing meals but feel that I have to. I would puke out certain things I wished I hadn’t eaten, don’t anymore though. I tried eating healthily and exercising. I recently completed the ‘NHS Couch to 5K plan’ with it healthy eating. I had high expectations but they weren’t met so I felt even worse. Every time I had a little treat, everything would come piling back on.
I can’t help but analyze peoples’ bodies. I find myself envying the bodies of cartoon characters. I want my bones to stick out. I want to look like a skeleton. I want size 6 to be loose on me. I want to weigh 6 stone or less. Sometimes I wish I had cancer or something because I know people lose huge amounts of weight. I know I shouldn’t wish for things like that but I can’t help it. I’m desperate for any way to lose weight. I tried overdosing on laxatives, but I think I’ve just become immune to them now. I’ve tried everything. I don’t understand how girls can eat all they want and stay a size 6. It’s my dream to eat a whole chocolate bar and not feel guilty about it. I haven’t had a full bar in 3 months:just quater or half or a chunk. I’m seriously confused I don’t know what to do.
