Ive had a pretty messed up life and i’m still really young though.I’m just not sure how to make it through anymore. I have chronic depression and my doctors had put me on all kinds of hardcore medicines and stuff to ” help the sadness go away”, but it just doesnt help. maybe for that day or so but when i go to sleep and wake up, everything just comes down on me harder and harder eachtime. i have actually stopped taking my medicine because i do not like the way it makes me feel. i dont really have anyone to talk to. i would talk to my dad but he is always busy, just wont understand or just will fight with me. i have had so many fight with him and they arnt just arguing fights. we scream at each other then throw things then yell some more then i run off to my room and cry for the rest of the night. i know i said that im 19 on my profile but im really 17. well i will be i was born in 1997. i am alos very suicidal. those thoughts just wont leave my mind. a few year sago i actualy attempted it and wound up in the hospital and then went to a special place for a few weeks under suicide watch. i aslo suffer from anxiety and ptsd thanks to my mom. when i was about 3-4 my mom would really badly abuse me and my little brother. long story short police caught her, found her in a closet with me and my brother and a knife to our necks then got arrested for abuse and attempt of murder to us. i then went to go live with my dad and my brother do adoption, my dad and mom never married so she moved in with another man and had my brother so my dad didnt want to take care of him. i have so many trust issues to. in middle school i was in some abusive relationships, i was rapped and used so many times that i eventually gave up on caring what happened to me. i let my self be a little slut for everyone. i was bullied and so many people hated me that i really didnt have friends at all. and the friends i did, back stabbed me. so i left and went to a new school, the school i am at now. im a junior, and i have alot of friends and a great boyfriend, but i still dont trust people. i always think they are talking behind my back and stuff. even though i have started a new school life for myself, im still horribly depressed ( its actualy getting worse, some days i dont even eat or really talk) and i cant help but not trust people. i hate living like this. people always say it will get better but what if it doesnt? what if i cant make it to the day when it does get better can someone help me please?
