Um, well I am 14. I don’t have a normal or close to normal childhood. Uh, well, My mom and dad met in a bar and got drunk and created my twin sister and I. I always remember being a daddy’s girl. I don’t remember when it started. I think it started around 1st grade. I can’t really remember when it kinda stopped. I remember this thing happening a lot. Since my parents weren’t married or even dating. They hate each other and for as long as I can remember, they have. It kinda stopped around 6th ish grade but sometimes it happens here and there. I remember he always told me not to tell or else the cops will come take him and I away. I didn’t tell a soul till the middle of 7th grade. I never knew what he really even did to me. Like I didn’t know what it was called. And I didn’t, well I couldn’t explain it eighther. I remember I was on the bus and I over heared a conversation between two boys talking about how this girls dad went to jail because he molested his daughter. I thought to myself that that might be what my dad did was called. So I researched it. It seemed to fit kinda, I remember things that might have been more then that. but it it I don’t know! It wasn’t really filly describing what it all was. I decided that I would just go with that. I just really needed to tell someone. So I told my best friend at the time. The asked to to explain what he did but I couldn’t. I tried but nothing could come out. I think I had a panic attack. I get flash backs and I just remember some of the times idk its weird. I kept this secret secret. Except I has cazed me not to have a relationship with my mom. My mom is kinda a big drinker two. all three years in middle school ( I am currently in9th grade) she would get really depressed and she would drink. Do what I would do is I would stay up till 1am to 3am in the morning. She has told me everything that has happened to her over and over. I know all of her secrets and her whole life story. It’s the same with my sister. I am a listener I guess. I am really good (sorry if this seems like I am trying to talk my self up or something) but I am good at counseling, knowing medical stuff and just random stuff also like law. It feels like I can’t say anything about how I am truly feeling. Whenever I say anything like how I am feeling it feels like I am being a burden. My mom and basically my whole family is like this. They kinda use people in a way. It feels like my family is always being a burden. Also my mom and twqin sister are exctremly drama queens and they are a like. They like attention and I like to just sit back in the shadows. They both seem to gang up on me. Specially this year. I have changed goin into high school, I am tiered of my mom and how she never listens to me and that’s what I used to do for her. So I kinda just block her out when ever she starts talking to me. My sister is more mean to me. Also I kinda have been separating my self from my mom and sister this year. In the car I used to listen to the radio with them and talk with them. Now I plug in my headphones and read all the time. (by the way, we moved 5 hours away from my dad and we see him once a month) When I go down to my dads I amalways scared something will happen. He is always saying I am so beaustiful and all this stuff. He likes me to cudle with him too. Like when we are watching TV. Some times he trys to wrestle with me too. And he will touch me kinda sometimes. My dad also has really bad anger problems. He has punched the walls twice. Also when he is mad he drives really fast and dangouruslly. We have almost gotten in car accidents because of it. I cant talk to my friends about how I am. I feel like I am being a burden and annoying. Plus they don’t understand. Sometimes at night I get really depressed and want to cry, but I don’t cry. Some people don’t cry infront of people but I just don’t. I want too but every time I do it, it just makes me feel so weak. Also sometimes it feels like I can move. Like I can but I just don’t want too. But I don’t let my mom or sister or anyone see. I feel like I am alone. Which I am. I have no one I can really trust. I have no one. I have thought of suicide but I don’t want to die. That would be selfish and plus people would think I am pathetic. I don’t want to commit suicide but I do wanna die. But I don’t too. Also I seem to be really fail at school. I used to be on honor rool but now my GPA for first semester was 1.00 flat and currently it is 1.75 I just don’t know any more. My twin sister doesn’t know anything and she wants to go and live with my dad. I know he wont do anything. But I want to stay here. But my mom wants makayla (my twin) to stay and my dad wants me down there more then her. So my mom said the only way she can move is if I move too. My mom has favorite. I am not her favorite. I don’t know what to do. I wanna tell an authority but I don’t too. Everyone who meets my dad and mom would say they are nice, kind and, loving. Please, help sorry. Also my mom and sister tell me that I am not pretty and need to lose weight idkk
