i have a beatifull wife, 2 kids, nice house, nothing seems to make me happy, done some traveling to


third world country based on suggestion of a friend, even done some recreational drugs, nothing seems to get me to a happy zone. am i missing something?

Category: asked July 4, 2014

4 Answers

While studying philosophy I took some notes on the subject of happiness. This might help:The idea is that one can be happy at all times and in all circumstances. This isn’t a happiness which comes and goes but a happiness that exists at all times. There are two statements to analyze with regards to this claim. The first is: To be happy is to be in tune with mans own nature. The second statement is: To experience true happiness man must very simply give up being miserable. So of course this is very easy :D.

The first statement: To be happy is to be in turn with mans own nature, has a keyword nature. What this statement is saying is that it is natural for the human being to be happy. If it is natural that means it doesn’t require training or encouragement. Also if it is your nature you can never be separated from it. If it is the nature of an orange to be an orange you can never separate the orangeness from the orange and be left with an orange. This implies that we cannot ever be separated from our happiness but we can forgo it… we give up the experience of it. You never actually lose your happiness. It is like if your rich uncle left you a million dollars but the devious lawyer kept this form you continue to live as you do when in fact you are a millionaire. The fact is that you are perfectly happy but you choose to live in a different state. If we are not aware of our true nature we give up the benefit of it… we forgo it. The question we all must face is “Do we know our true nature.”

The desire for happiness for happiness is proof that it is natural. Nobody desires to have a headache. You don’t wake up and say to yourself “I really hope to develop a nasty headache today.” You do not desire a headache because it is not natural. If you do develop a headache you desire to return to the natural state which is to be free of the headache. Everyone desires to be happy and you desire it because it is natural to you. Everyone else recognizes this as well. When you are happy no one approaches you to say “What’s wrong with you? You look happy… you’re smiling.” But people will approach you when you look miserable and ask “What’s wrong with you?” Everyone recognizes that there is something wrong with being miserable and nothing wrong with being happy.

If happiness is our nature then it must be simple… uncomplicated and effortless, like a natural smile. Now you can spot a natural smile and a forced one. If you have ever been in the company of someone who has told a terrible joke and you felt forced to laugh it is full of effort. A natural laugh has no efforts. So how can we say that happiness is natural and therefore effortless? In deep (dreamless) sleep everyone enjoys happiness. In deep sleep you make no efforts at all. No one wakes up saying “I’m exhausted from all this sleep.” It seems when we get rid of all efforts we are perfectly happy. Everyone wishes to sleep well. We all desire to have a nice bed… for the temperature to be right. We all want to be undisturbed because in deep sleep we all enjoy happiness. All we have to do is learn to manage our happiness while awake.

If happiness is natural then misery is unnatural. If happiness is effortless then misery is full of efforts. Controversial but you actually make efforts to be miserable. We think it is directly the opposite saying, “I work very hard to be happy.” The fact of the matter is it takes no effort to be happy. You can try this. Try to fall asleep and maintain your misery. As soon as you surrender all of your efforts the misery goes with it and you fall asleep. This is the marvelous thing about sleep is that it stops us making efforts. Everyone can enjoy happiness some of the time at least.

It is hard to believe that we would actually make efforts to maintain our misery but we do and it is out of ignorance. There is a story which is told of how you capture a monkey in India. If you are ever there and want a pet monkey… this is how you do it. You bury a long neck jar in the ground with the opening of the jar slightly above the ground. You then put some bait into this jar to attract the monkey. The monkey will be attracted to the food in the jar. When the monkey reaches his little hand in the jar to grab the meat his hand will become a fist. Because the fist will not make it past the neck of the jar the monkey screams because it thinks it is trapped. But the monkey isn’t trapped he just won’t let go. If he would only let go he would be free. Likewise if we would only stop making efforts to be miserable we would be happy. If you look at the world miserable you learn the short version is miser. What is a miser? A miser isn’t a person who has no money but has money and won’t spend it. A miserable person is one who’s happy but won’t experience it.

So where is this nature? As with all natures it’s on the inside. People don’t say happiness arose up outside of me. There it was standing three feet to the left of me. Everyone describes happiness as having arisen from within. Now if happiness arises up from within… where should be look for it? It would make sense to look from within. If we examine our daily lives in where we look for happiness, we are always looking for it outside of ourselves. If we think it is outside of ourselves then we believe we can posses it. If we believe we can posses it, unfortunately, we believe we can lose it.

When is this happiness possible? If happiness arises from within you then it makes sense you have to be in contact with your true self if you are going to connect with it. If there is no contact with your true nature then there will be no experience of happiness. When can a man make contact with his true nature? There are only three states you can live in… the past the present and the future. If the mind is wandering in the past you aren’t connected with yourself but with memory. If the memory is bad then you enjoy the pain again. If the memories are good then you get a pale shadow of true happiness in the form of a pleasant sensation. If the mind wanders to the future then you feed on expectation and its offspring which are excitement and anxiety. Excitement if it is a perceived good event and anxiety for poor. What you are actually doing is postponing the opportunity for happiness now by wandering in imagination. In the present moment you can connect with yourself. There actually is no misery in the present moment. You can try this right now. Stay in the present moment and try and become miserable. You could say “I’m going to become miserable now.” but you have to stay in the present moment… not the past and not the future. It cannot be done the mind has to go into the past or project into the future to create misery.

The fact is happiness makes life complete. Happiness is the only thing that makes life complete. So when someone has a new car and you ask them “is there anything else you want,” they might say “yes I would like a new house now too.” But if they are completely happy by definition they want for nothing. It does you no good to look for happiness in objects which are external to yourself. If happiness came from a new car or house then happiness would be limited to those things. When the house and care are in good order so is your happiness and visa versa if they are out of sorts. Also objects outside of us are transient. If you ask someone what kind of happiness are you looking for? No one replies with “a transient happiness, one that arises on a Friday night and is gone by Monday morning.” Everyone wants unlimited unwavering permanent happiness. Yet we look for happiness in things which aren’t permanent and are limited… which might explain why we don’t find it. You are the one thing that is not transient in relationship to your own life. The only permanency of happiness that you can experience comes from within. You can actually be the source of your own happiness.
Thanks. Everyone, I will attempt to see a therapist!
I think that you have to look for a professional help, like a therapist , he or she will guide you to find out what is missing in your life. You will not find the answers or happiness on recreational drugs. Sometimes everything looks perfect but there is a thing inside us, like an anxiety that we don't know what is about, but make us sad and we don't understand why and where this is coming from. That's why we need the professional help.
maybe it's a midlife crisis or quarterlife crisis or something. at some point we just don't feel fulfilled anymore. but you have to keep going. maybe try going to a church or something or reading a spiritual book or talking to a therapist, like the previous commenter suggested. that can always help. good luck.