I Hate Being Quiet

I’m content, but not happy. I realize there’s a lot in my life I should be happy about. I mean, my life isn’t perfect, but it’s one I can happily live with…I’m just lonely.

I wish I could be that girl that can just spark up a conversation with anyone for fun, or who can easily jump into one with the other people around me. I may be an introvert but I still I like meeting new people, I still like talking and getting to know others. I feel like I’m going insane after being alone for so long, what do I do to stop myself from going stir crazy???

I barely talk in school. It’s something I’ve always hated because school is currently the sole focus of my life, so that means the only chance I ever really get to socialize during the day is there. I have a few close friends, some people I like to talk to, yet somehow I seem to just go through the day without saying much at all. It’s so miserable, I feel like I barely have anyone to connect with, all I want is to be able to just socialize with whoever I want, whenever I want to.

I just can’t connect… It’s hard for me to make new friends, and most of my current friends were friends of pervious friends, which I’m fine with, but I wish I wasn’t so withdrawn from other people.

I’ve had this issue for a long time, I think I might’ve been selectively mute as a child, combine that with major social anxiety topped off with a superiority complex formed from an underlining inferiority complex and you’ve basically gotten the gist of my middle school experience.

I’ve come a long way socially, and I’ve broken many of the barriers that prevented me from interacting with other people my age for years. But now here I am, a junior in high school, a girl who’s perfectly confident with her self-image, yet completely terrified of holding a conversation with a stranger. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now… Why can’t I just be myself? Who am I anyway? Am I who I think I am, or who I act when I’m around others? I hate that I can’t even figure my own self out….I mean if I can’t, then who will?

God I hate the winter, it’s such a depressing season.

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Morgan

5 Answers

look girl, you are over thinking everything.you ar who you are, your thoughts, you likes and hates, your opinions and your actions and responses, and thats that.you don't need to change yourself to be accepted by other people, there are 7 billion people other then the kids in your classroom you could mingle with and a whole world outside the classroom window, don't get all stressful and confused when your life just started, take it easy and don't fall on them like a tsunami, but approach them like the spring : ) saying that "if i change myself everything is going to be fine" is a lie and is just running away, just be yourself and eventually people will accept you, and the key to that is to be confident in the way you are. for example i was always an imaginer and i enjoyed solitary, i had friends and all but i never minded staying alone however people kept prssuring me into "going all out" and my friends just disappeared one by one and i was left all alone, i was sad and lonely until one day i was like "the fuck am i doing? if they won't like me for who i am then fuck them" and i came the next day into the class room with my head up and sat and started reading manga ignoring all those pigs around me, and then one day someone spoke to me after several weeks that is and she kept talking and talking, suddenly i was her friend and introduced me to others and people in the classroom started mingling with me and i just...went along with it, the point is that you have to enforce your character rather than edit it.

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maha

Don't worry, you're not the only one. I'm like that too. Everyone thinks I'm too quiet. Some people even try to strike up a conversation with me, but I always end up making it awkward because I don't know what to do. I try to be like those people who just strike up a conversation, but I end up making it depressing and dark humored. I guess in a way I try to be me, but I end up pushing people away.I also put up barrers around other people, but some times I wished they would just see that and hopefully someone would come around and try to help me with everything, but I guess not.I guess that the reason that I'm quiet and shy is that I just don't really connect with anyone else. There are all those people who have a bunch of friends that have the same group and everythin, but I'm just not like that. In a way, I'm my own quiet little bubble and that's how it's going to be. I just don't have a lot of common with other people. I'm not a normal teenage girl, but then again who is?I guess you just have to hang in there and just wait, because some day maybe someone will come along strike up a conversation and just help you through.sorry if its all jumbled i just kind of ramble

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ShatteredEvangeline

Looks like you're having a bit of an identity crisis here. and it seems like you don't like where you are at right now. You know I was (and still am) a pretty awkward person. but being alone so much was a great thing for me because I was able to feed my passions and learn awesome things. But now I have a lot of friends, i'm surprisingly known for being sociable which is still so strange to me, because i still consider myself shy and awkward. But how i dealed with this issue was to simply get out of my comfort zone, and force myself to talk to people. I'd force myself to approach people, I'd force myself to smile more often, even if it was just a cashier. Eventually it just became a thing and here I am now years later. In the end you may NEVER be truly comfortable in the social scene, but it will get easier and easier to approach with people each time you force yourself out there. A musician isn't born a musician, he has to get on the piano and learn. Same with a figurative artist, or a dancer, a businessman, a lawyer. In order to get anywhere you MUST step in that direction. if you don't like where you are at in life, you must be okay with not being comfortable in order to step in the direction you want to go, without having to let go of who you are as a person. I hope this helped! :)

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imdown

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Hang in there.

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Twisted Sausage

I went through a similar sort of dilemma last year, where i had an identity crisis. How I dealt with it was, I simply told myself that i owe it to myself to get out of this misery. Otherwise, i would feel bad for feeling bad. If I did something about it, I would feel good about feeling good. Therefore, I did it. Hope this helps:) have a good one, it gets better in spring:)

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Ash

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