Please Help me anyone,
—-sorry for my bad english please —–
i am 22 years old lived my 18 years in middle east and 4 years in PAKISTAN ( which is my home country ) .
from my childhood i always heard from other people that you are ugly , you are poor,you are this and bla bla bla. in school i got beaten many times , i got bullied almost everytime any where in school and college .recently lived my 4 years (2009 to 2013 ) alone without my family for high school and college . i was like crying everyday in these 4 years because i was not having single friend to talk to . just living alone and facing depression for many years . i thought i will be ok when i will be back to my home country and i will make friends and will having a good time in my home country.
Anyway i am now studying in my home country from 2014 . but still i got same problems . i still dont have any friends .not a single friend to cry to his shoulder.i always feel sad and sad about my self .
i dont have confidence. i got panic most of the time even at small issues.
i am always totally nervoused and worried without anything.
my heart beat also more than 105+ beats per min and i always feel my heart is pumping like hell because of nervousness ( they call it anxiety i think ) .
i always feel sad dont know why . i heard that its called depression. some time i get happy but for just 1 or 2 days than again same sadness .
my MAIN PROBLEM and issue is i have a very low self steam . this is what i think about my self ” that i am ugly ,people hate me , they dont want to be with me , they think i am a poor or like something” . this is because i have heard these things from people from my childhood that i am ugly and poor and u r not capable of anything.
if i make someone friend in my university . it stays for 1 or 2 weeks maximum that i fight with them because i dont like them. they start to make fun of me or bully me in front of other poeple and then i fight with them and leave them and then again alone.
and the PAINFUL thing is that i dont have any female friend in my life . never got any female friend in my life . i just waited for the moment that any female will come to me and make me her friend but no that time never came . so still i started to think that i am not that good looking thats why no one came to be my friend. i asked many male friends ( ex-friends ) about this thing that how can i make female friend . they say that you cant . you are ugly and you are not capable of making female friends and bla bla bla . and they make fun of my face and my self and say ” look at your self . you will have a female friend or a girlfriend hahaha “.
it makes my heart cry badly :’(
why this is happening to me ?
even i am rich and set in my life financially.
why i cant have friends like anyone. why i dont have female friend to share things with ?
even i asked my parents that i want to marry ( so i can have a permanent friend and a partner to cry to her shoulder and share things with her ) . they say that we will not get you married untill u get a job 
. thats means i have to wait 6 to 7 years to get marry . till then its a torture.
am i not a human being ? do i dont have emotions ? do ugly people doest have emotions :’( ? when every time i am in public or in crowded areas specially near females. i feel like very low. i feel like they are thinking i am ugly and they are thinking to stay away from me ( because i have heard from 2 girls long time ago that i am not beautiful ) . its feel very bad now i am wondering if i ever find any girl for marry or she will also think the same ? or for example i get married. then will she also say bad things about me after marriage ???
i dont have hope right now
totally feeling LOW
i tried to talk to many poeple but at the end they make fun of me
i also try to talk to some students of pshycology and they try to help me but at the end they say i am faking it ??? i mean like wth ? why dont anyone believe me that what i am going through ?
why no one help me ?
why people bully me ?
why they dont make me their friend ?
i am frustrated from my life . i am now addicted to sleeping pills to sleep from 4 years .
i cant sleep without it
i cant be happy anymore
no one loves me .
please tell me how to get rid of these things .
please help me :’(
