It sounds like you're struggling to organize your thoughts. Try to just loosen up and let your thoughts come naturally, hold onto them, and make clear sense of them. From here, you might even be able to plan a course of action to help yourself get better, but just try to maybe write it down, to let off a little steam. Understanding what's going on is the most important thing.
If you can build your confidence and try and tell someone, whether they're anonymous or someone you know, then that's another big step for progress. Remember, there are plenty of people who are willing and want to help you, but you have to try and let them.
Hope this helped a little, maybe.