I feel like losing my best friend

Okay it’s the following: I know my (best?) friend for 12 years now. We did EVERYTHING together and even when we didn’t go into the same class anymore we were so close and still did everything together! But then 6 years ago I met another girl. I really liked her (and I still do, but not that much anymore) and because they were my best friends I introduced them to each other. They liked each other, too and I was happy because they were my two best friends! We did a lot together and it was really great but then they started to meet each other without me. They didn’t tell me about it and so they didn’t ask me to come with them. The next day they told me about it. It was like ‘why didn’t you come with us? It was so much fun!’ and I got really pissed and just said that I didn’t know about it. But I was just angry with the one girl I didn’t know for so long, because the other girl was my best friend and I couldn’t get angry at her. And my ‘best’ friend is a really nice person who can’t say no and so I knew that it was the other girl who ‘arranged’ this.
So they’ve always been out with each other and met other people and I didn’t know about it and so I started to feel alone. And when I’ve been out with them I felt like the fifth wheel (and that’s pretty much the worst feeling ever!). They had this in-jokes and ignored me. And I hated this feeling and I was angry at the other girl for ‘stealing’ my best friend. Because that’s how it felt like (and to be honest, I still think so). So I talked with my best friend and told her about EVERYTHING! And that was really hard for me, because this sounds really selfish (but I don’t really think it is selfish… she has always been my best friend and now she’s gone?!) and I was afraid of her reaction. She understood me very well and said that she’ll call me to go out together. But that never really happened. Nothing changed since then. And now I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I told myself that I’m over it and that they can do whatever they want but I still fell excluded and fooled and left alone. Sometimes I even have doubts about the friendship, because this isn’t what a friendship should be. I don’t feel like I can talk to them and even if I did, I think it wouldn’t change… And the past years it didn’t change. It only got worse. I barely see them and I just hear it from other friends that they were out together and I didn’t even know about it. They don’t even ask me. And I feel left alone by them, excluded and I don’t even know if I can still call them my ‘friends’, because it feels so wrong! But they don’t even recognize it… I told my ‘best’ friend, that she is and will ever be my best friend and she told me, that she feels the same for me and that the other girl can be very annoying and that she misses me but why doesn’t she change anything if it is like this?! When I ask her to do something she doesn’t have time and so I got tired of asking her. I saw her every day and now I see her maybe twice a month… So I feel like I’m losing my best friend and I can’t change it.
So what can I do?! I’m really afraid of talking to them, because I did it before and it didn’t change and it sounds so selfish…
But I want to have her back. I miss her but also I’m tired of it and don’t want it anymore.
But when I start feeling fine with it they just call me and then it’s like they twist the knife in the wound and everything starts again.
What can I do?! Can it be similar to the way it was before without losing both of them?! It just hurts and I can’t handle it anymore…
And there also was this situation when another friend was at my house and I told him something about my best friend and he didn’t know who I’m talking about and later he shouted out:”Ah! You mean Sara’s(*) best friend!” And I almost started crying because of this and just answered:”Yes. Sara’s best friend.” I was really shocked and didn’t know how to react and just swallowed it down but I can’t forget about it because some time ago people said “YOUR best friend” and now they don’t even know that she’s my friend… or was… I don’t know..

(*=It’s the name of the other girl, but it’s not her real name.)

So can you help me please?! Give me some advice?! I’m so confused and tired of it and I really can’t handle it any longer!

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Sonrisa

4 Answers

Hi dear. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a rough time lately. You don't deserve that. It may also be nothing that you did in particular, it could just be that there's something in the new girl that your best friend likes. Do you have any other close friends? If so, call them up and build friendships with them. Maybe if you give your best friend just a bit of space for a while, then call her up and ask her if she wants to go out to catch up, she'd be more inclined to since she hasn't seen you in a while. I hope for the best for you.

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SBrock961

I think it's time to move on. Sure you were great friends before, but some people change and time keeps moving. If you told them and it keeps happening even though they're aware it hurts you then they aren't your best friends anymore. I think it's time to find a new best friend.

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jetstream

103

I recently had to go through this. But the way I handled the situation was completely different. I know that it sucks to lose a friend that you've had for a long time, but I just left them out of my life. I made new friends, leaving the old ones behind, just as they did to me. I'm not saying that you should abandon your "friends", but it is an option. Everyone goes through this so, try not to be super hurt about it. You sound like a sweet friend to have, you don't deserve to be left out like that. So, since you've told your friend how you feel, and not much change came...I would move on. You can do it!

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~Tarantallegra~

Losing friends is hard and it hurts so bad, but you just need to hold on, hun. I've lived this same story to a T, and the opposite of what you want to do is be alone. Don't hold onto that hurt, and find somebody to talk to. Maybe it'll be someone from school you haven't thought about talking to before, or someone you've lost touch with. Whenever I was going through this situation, I talked to one of my best internet buddies everyday, and she helped so much. And if you're feeling brave, sit your friend down an tell her how you've been feeling. Maybe sit both of them down, because they probably don't realize the full extent of how this makes you feel. And if nothing works, and there is absolutely no way to repair the bond, just let go. It won't be fun, but oftentimes a good things leaves so that something even better can take it's place. Stay strong, things will get much better, and hopefully your friends will see what a mess they've made.

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Kaleidoscope-Eyes