I feel like I’ve lost everything

A month ago I thought I pretty much had my life figured out. After years of struggling with depression and anxiety I finally thought that I found the stability I needed to work on my issues. I had a good job and a boyfriend of 2 years that I thought I was going to marry, living in a fantastic city and plans to go to grad school. Within the space of 2 weeks I lost my job and my boyfriend broke up with me. Being completely honest, the relationship wasn’t the happiest and while I still believed we could work it out, it truly wasn’t working anymore. That doesn’t really change that I’m heartbroken and devastated, and I know he is just as broken up about it as I am.

I am currently up with my parents in the small town I grew up in, staying here until I can figure out what to do. I still have my lease on my apartment back in the city, but I’m not sure I should go back. My parents have told me they will try to help support me, but I don’t feel right about living off their money while I have no job. I have been applying all over since the day I lost my job and I haven’t even gotten a follow up email, let alone an interview.

Being back in my home town is extremely hard for my mental health, my parents and I butt heads a lot and I feel like a complete failure for losing everything. I don’t really have any friends here either, and for the most part I stay at home and do nothing. I feel like such a loser. I do have friends back in the city. And while moving back to the city might be better for my overall mental health, it is pretty likely that I’d end up seeing my ex and it would complicate things. There’s also the financial aspect coming into play.

I just don’t know what to do or where to go from here, I’m not sure whether I should stay with my parents until I can get my life together or try to tough it out back in the city. There are so many complications on either side, and on top of all of it I feel like I’m completely alone and I’ve lost everything good in my life. If anyone has advice or even words of encouragement it would be very welcome.

Category: Depression Tags: anxiety break up depression job asked August 11, 2013

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Amy

3 Answers

I am so sorry that you're going through all these things right now. I'm glad that your parents are supporting you, but I totally understand why you don't want to just live with them long-term!Are the job prospects in the city better than in your home town? Are you on at least slightly friendly terms with your ex? (Because if you are, then perhaps you could end up talking to him at some point about avoiding seeing each other as much as possible, so that it doesn't keep coming up.)Since you still have the lease on your apartment in the city, at least you wouldn't have to worry about that if you go back. Honestly, to me, it sounds like you may be better off going back to the city, even with the financial troubles and with the chance of seeing your ex. It would better for your overall mental health, you'd get to see your friends, and you'd both stop butting heads with your parents and stop feeling like a failure/like you're only living off their money.Only you can choose what to do, but I hope my reply has helped at least a little. I really hope that things turn around for you, and you can figure out the best thing for you.

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Aiyana

Thanks :) My ex and I aren't on bad terms, the opposite actually. He tells me that he loves me and misses me and that he always will, but being in a romantic relationship isn't a good idea. If I came back to the city, it would be very tempting to try again and fall back into our unhealthy relationship.The job prospects in the city are much better than in my home town- this place is pretty much a dead wasteland. And I should have specified- my lease is month to month, so I can terminate it at any time, or continue to pay it, which helps. I am getting unemployment benefits, so that covers some living expenses but not enough to really live comfortably. I would be extremely poor until I could find a job, and even though the prospects are better back in the city, like I said I have been applying and nothing is turning up.At this point, I am leaning towards trying to make it work back in the city... I just need to somehow find the strength to not let myself be a doormat to my ex. :)

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Amy

Ah, okay. I know that pain of trying your best not to fall back into an unhealthy relationship! Sometimes even when people are lovely, they just aren't meant to be in a relationship with you. I'm glad that you have unemployment benefits and that your lease is month-to-month, at least, that's got to help. And I'm sure you can do it, should you choose to return to the city or not! :)

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Aiyana