I feel like an outsider, or like air

Ever since I had friends I felt like they were all so close and I was so far away. ten years later and people are calling me their best friend, and only one person – my partner – makes me feel like I’m part of the world. I feel like I don’t make a difference, like if I disappeared there’d hardly be a gap to fill in the air. I’m horrified by the thought that I mean nothing, change nothing in the world so I try to help people, but I want to be able to feel like I’m worth more than air.
My friends all tell me I am wanted, I am needed, but I can’t bring myself to believe them. I’ve only ever believed her and she promised not to tell me how I matter and who I matter to.

I just hate this feeling. It’s so blue and depressing. I want a way up.

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TheMatter

2 Answers

If I were you, look into issues that you can either relate to or have a soft spot for, and volunteer to help in that area. Try to do something with immediate results. If not, sit down and work through how what you are currently doing is helping others. If you have friends and they're all supporting you, imagine how devastated they would be if you weren't around! I imagine telling you to have a more positive outlook on things won't help, so I won't say it, but you should realize you're not worthless. Everywhere you go, I am sure you affect people in positive ways, and I hope you realize it and BELIEVE it sooner than later! On another note? Why did she promise you not to tell you how much you matter etc? I don't understand. You can also try counselling. There are many great services, and you may need to or want to look into that. There are therapists for the great reason that they help people! Everyone's here for you if you just need to talk or need a fresh perspective. All the best etc.

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JustASpeck

1,145

In my opinion friends aren't as important as people make them out to be. If you wish to be remembered then do something people will remember you for.
If you don't feel like you belong with your current friends then find new friends ( I don't mean leave your old ones, but add a few more people to your friend circle). Find friends with same interests or experiences, in person or online.
My suggestion would be to volunteer, whether it's for senior citizens, animals or little kids. It will make you feel better about yourself and you might be able to meet some really great people. :)
“Tiny-perhaps. Insignificant-never, Eva Nine. No living thing is insignificant.” ― Tony DiTerlizzi
:)

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Viktoriya