Hey y’all, i need ur advice. I identify myself as a trans guy but i had no plans in transitioning. Anyway as the thread says, i don’t think i’ll ever find love again. And all this because of a trauma that i experienced in my first relationship.
To make the story short, i really love my ex like no one other and i feel like she lied to me and left me to be with this rich cis guy. This got me very depressed for the past 8 months and it triggered my insecurities like i wasn’t man enough for her, i lacked something that a cis guy have, etc. It’s killing me everyday knowing the she seems happier being with him and flaunting in social medias about how relationshit goals they are. It got me thinking, if only i were a cis male, i could have a biological family. If only i were rich, if only i didn’t have strict parents! This is really bad of me but i’d even wish they’d break up because i felt so betrayed and i think that that would make things much easier for me. Knowing that they’re still together is like a reminder of what happened to us in the past as i really put my heart out there and it is triggering my insecurities. If ever their relationship were to last, i think it would really hurt like hell. Even though there are times where i’ll be all happy and i seem to have moved on, deep down i know im still suffering.
It scares me to think that i might never fall in love and be in a relationship ever again. Im not really one to fall but when I do, i fall hard and it’s really hard for me to move on. My ex was like a 1 in a million luck that she also reciprocated my feelings. After her, i have this problem that i can never seem to find anyone attractive anymore. I know im still young, 19, but i also realized during the course of our relationship that if we were to have sex, i’d get dysphoric if she were to touch me so i wouldn’t allow her. Nothing and i mean nothing can seem to solve that problem. She was fine with it but i began to think that maybe she could have just compromised and wasn’t actually that satisfied. However, if i ever do get into a new relationship, i don’t know how or when to tell my partner about that problem and im afraid i might get rejected leaving me to think im unlovable and not good enough again. I understand from their perspective that it is rather disappointing and this situation is kind of unusual to where i live in. I don’t know if there are other people who also feels the same way i do. I want to hear your thoughts on this. Very much appreciate it.
