I don’t know what’s wrong with me

The first thing I’ve got to say is I am a happy person. Being sad or upset doesn’t suit me and I’m always the person to try and make the best if a bad situation. I’m a joker and I love to laugh and make other people happy, but This past year or so, I’ve lost interest in basically everything, even the things I used to really enjoy. I can’t find the motivation to meet up with friends or even talk to them. I used to really enjoy textiles and I’m fairly good at it, but I’ll start in something and either be unhappy with what I’ve produced or just get bored of it in a matter of minutes. It’s actually gotten to the point of losing interest in eating and have eaten properly for a good couple of weeks.
Instead of doing all the things I used to love, I now just lie in my bed in silence either sleeping or staring off into space.
It doesn’t help that my grandad died 4 weeks ago and I had to attend his funeral on Wednesday and it was my first ever funeral. It was horrible and made me feel quite unwell and I hated every second if it.
The thing is, I go through periods of time where I’m like this, where I recoil back into myself and I’ve tried to come up with reasons why I feel like this, but I can’t. They just happen and I have no idea how to stop them.
I don’t think anyone knows about this though, at home I’ll put on a happy face when I’m around family, but when I’m like this I only be around them when I have to be, a part from that, I avoid them as much as possible.
My friends do notice though, because when I’m like this, I don’t talk as much and I don’t smile like I used to. They’ll ask if I’m okay and I’ll tell them I’m fine. That I’m just tired and they seem to buy it. I’ll then try and get into the conversations and joke, but my hearts not in it.
Also during these phases, everything gets to me; my appearance, my lack of social skills, my personality, my grades, the future, failing. Everything.
And then that makes everything worse and I’ll fall into this cycle where I fall into this…..pit of…all the worst feelings I can imagine, and I can’t get out of it. Sometimes i manage to get out if it and carry on until normal, but just waiting for the next moment where I’ll trip fall back into it again, or there’s the other times where I nearly get out, but a nasty comment, bad news, or a shitty realisation pulls me back in.
I don’t know what to do about what I’m feeling, I hate feeling this way and I just want to be able to get over it.

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No-Plans-Trust-Fate

4 Answers

I agree with what has been said above, it seems to me that all your symptoms point toward depression (changed eating patterns, the negativity, loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities). You also mentioned that your grandfather passed away a few weeks ago which has impacted you as well.I would suggest that at this point you should talk to someone about your feelings. Your friends have noticed these changes in you and even though they may not voice their thoughts, they may be very concerned about you. Try talking to a close friend about how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable about speaking to a friend then you should visit a counselor who can help you. Several schools and universities employ counselors for students' well-being.Recovery is an excruciatingly slow, gradual process; however, the road to recovery is in your hands. Always remember to cut yourself some slack! It is up to you to decide who you want to talk to about your thoughts and feelings (friends, parents, counselors, etc). For the meantime, try eating your favourite food and exercise. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins which makes one feel good. Meditation can help too, if practiced regularly.Please keep us updated and take care xx

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ihsin

First of all, I'm sorry. This definitely sounds like depression. The way you described falling into a pit of all your worst feelings - the same thing happens to me when I start to feel depressed. It's absolutely horrible, but you're far from alone. I have felt this way my whole life, but since you've only just begun experiencing it you should probably see a doctor about it and see what they say. Did anything happen around the time you first began feeling this way?

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freyja

Take the words of Barbie,It does seems like you are going through a depression period right now..The things that you're used to be so good at and loved to why would they suddenly change into something you hate to do,nobody's personality changes overnight,even if its gradual there is got to be the initial starting point for your troubled way..Try to find the root cause of the problem,it could be anything that's bad if you know what it is then finding a solution becomes a lot more easier..

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Shivaganesh

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Reading it, its like my own words.. I have no advise because I'm right where u are but just wanted to let u know that u are not alone

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Pani