I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and he’s the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met. He’s graduating from college in the beginning of December and we planned to get engaged in January/February of 2020 once he was able to get a job. I was so excited, all I’ve ever wanted was to get married and settle down and have a family, and I couldn’t imagine a person I’d rather do it with. He took me ring shopping so he could see what kind of engagement rings I like, I told my family and we planned a trip out of state because he wanted to ask my extended families permission to marry me. It was all really serious. Then, his parents sat us down and told us about their reservations on the engagement. They said they fully supported it if it’s what we decided to do but they said it would be better if I had also graduated college by the time we got engaged (I’m currently in my sophomore year). They also gave us the delightful spiel about divorce rates. I told them that we were planning on an engagement lasting about 2 years so I would be graduated by the time an actual wedding happened. I really didn’t think it was a huge deal or anything that had to alter our plans, but he suddenly backed out of everything. He didn’t even discuss it with me, he just whispered to me in between meetings with his parents that the plan was off. I’m beyond hurt and devastated. I understand if he’s not ready. I can’t force someone to be ready for that, but he told me he was. He took me ring shopping. I told my whole fucking family. I sent pictures of all of the rings we tried on to my friends and asked for advice. I was so excited and now I just feel stupid and embarrassed. He says he still wants to get engaged one day, maybe within the next year, but I can’t stand it anymore. It’s causing a lot of fighting and tension in the relationship. I was so ready to be engaged and move forward that now everything just feels empty. I don’t want a boyfriend forever, I want a husband and kids. Planning a future and then having it taken away just makes dating feel so pointless and directionless. What should I do? How do I let go of how hurt I am so that I don’t ruin our relationship with this?
