I can’t love my mother, I don’t want to be with her, spend time with her, I’m used to being alone / without mother or father. Spending time with her makes me feel really uncomfortable, we are two interly different people, i hate alot of things about her personality (how she constantly generalizes EVERYTHING, for example).
She constantly looks for attention and wants me to spend time with her, which is normal for mothers, ofcourse, but I don’t want to, and when I do, I feel annoyed and stressed. She has a habit of verbally abusing me from time to time, i’ve hysterically ran away twice because of this. Most of the time she’s nice, or sad and helpless because i don’t want to spend time with her. I think the abusing part is why i don’t love my mother, being used to being alone has something to do with it aswell i think.
I know she loves me, she does nice things for me, bring me tea when im sick and buy me nice, small things i like. I feel ungreatful but what am i suppost to do? I don’t feel at ease at all when i’m with her.
I want her to be happy, i want myself to be happy
What do i do?