I can’t love my mother

I can’t love my mother, I don’t want to be with her, spend time with her, I’m used to being alone / without mother or father. Spending time with her makes me feel really uncomfortable, we are two interly different people, i hate alot of things about her personality (how she constantly generalizes EVERYTHING, for example).

She constantly looks for attention and wants me to spend time with her, which is normal for mothers, ofcourse, but I don’t want to, and when I do, I feel annoyed and stressed. She has a habit of verbally abusing me from time to time, i’ve hysterically ran away twice because of this. Most of the time she’s nice, or sad and helpless because i don’t want to spend time with her. I think the abusing part is why i don’t love my mother, being used to being alone has something to do with it aswell i think.

I know she loves me, she does nice things for me, bring me tea when im sick and buy me nice, small things i like. I feel ungreatful but what am i suppost to do? I don’t feel at ease at all when i’m with her.

I want her to be happy, i want myself to be happy
What do i do?

asked February 3, 2015

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Exhaustedcraver

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2 Answers

Sometimes, the best thing for you to do is walk away. If you're uncomfortable and don't want to be around her - especially if she's verbally, or emotionally abusive/manipulative, it might be best for you to walk away from her and cut her out of your life.Alternately, you can approach her about going to therapy with you - to see if you can work through your issues with her, and she can work through how she communicates with you.If she refuses to do that though, were I you anyway, I would walk away.

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Jess

Well. I can certainly relate to what you're feeling. I know it's tough my friend. I know the guilt that comes along with not wanting to spend time with her. But consider it, you can't help feeling that way. It's not your fault she treats you badly, but it's important that you understand she's trying. My mother is the exact same way, and I feel like she's being manipulative to me, and trying to pull me into a guilt trip most of the time, but you'll be a much more peaceful person if you can make an effort, too. Avoiding her won't make the problem go away, but you can make a change, and you can try to make peace. You have nothing to lose except her not making an equal effort. If she brings you down after you've tried to make a change, then at least you know there's nothing to be guilty about on your part. You can message me privately if you'd like to talk more about it, I understand completely. Best wishes to you, positive vibes are coming your way.

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Tam

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