Husband acts like a martyr

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I am terrible at housework. My husband does nothing but yard work and acts like he deserves a gold medal. I begged him to move for years to a condo so he wouldn’t have to do the yard and could then have time to clean up after himself. I am tired of having everything fall to me, and the few things he does wanting glory for them. We have discussed this but nothing changes.

Category: asked May 3, 2014

4 Answers

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It sounds like your husband has some strict ideas on gender roles in the household. Swap that up on him; you do the yard work before he gets the chance, and then tell him that the house is his that day.

If you are uncomfortable with his concept of gender roles, of "man" work and "woman" work, then sit him down and talk to him about the conflict in your values. The man is your husband, he should listen to you.
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ohh you are not alone in this at all!! I'm a stay at home mom so my husband assumes all the time that on his days off he does NOTHING because he works hard to bring in the money he will do yard work but I go out there and help him and if I say I want a day off he laughs and says you don't work your always off it makes me so mad and no matter how many times we talk about it nothing changes but if you find something that makes your husband understand please let me know
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What I did, that worked, was get a magnetic dry erase chore chart (or you could print one off and fill it in.) But I wrote in all the jobs (dishes, laundry, cleaning animals, etc.) and then gave the person who did that a little star magnet every time it was done. Then at the end of the week when he was like, "Well yeah, but you're home longer because I work more. That's why you have 30 stars and I have 5," I divided up the stars by the hours we were each home and able to do that work and shamed him into doing more.
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Perhaps you should start by thanking him and addressing that yard work is tough. It is likely that he is just as annoyed with the situation as you are. Stop criticizing him for what he doesn't do, what he needs to be doing, or where you live. Doing so will only make him feel unappreciated and angry, if he feels like this you will never get to a solution and no one will be happy.Also, what do you mean you are bad at house work? This has nothing to do with gender roles. Being bad at cleaning is due to a lack of effort, not a lack of talent. Vacuuming is vacuuming. Dishes are dishes. This fact may also add to your husband's annoyance.