How to stop obsessing over my lost innocence?

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I know I’ve talked about this topic a billion times but this time it’s the depressing side of it, I’m not really that worried anymore.. Okay maybe about my future from this – but that’s another story.

Anyways how should I start…

This summer, in July or so, I lost something very precious to me…
My innocence.
I started dirty talking to people on Omegle and all that kind of shit and I did it for maybe a month non stop because hormones… And I’m never doing it again by the way oh god no!
Anyways, I’ve just been feeling really depressed over this, obsessing about my lost innocence.
You see, I’m a memory person, and there really isn’t a day where I don’t say:
“Oh that brings back good memories!”
And now, whenever I say or think that I’m like..
“That happened before I lost my innocence :’(…”
OR EVEN,
“Last time I saw/heard/thought of that I was innocent…”
I feel like such a fucking slut, I can’t even count the chats omfg…
For further info,
I never did video, only text, only shared kik with like 3-4 guys but I never really talked to them only 1 I guess? I never gave out personal info (ok maybe my first name, but that’s it) so it’s probably not dangerous -
RIGHT?

Can someone tell me how many % of my innocence I’ve lost!? Or something!? I’ve even felt suicidal because of this, I really miss my innocent times, I feel like I should disappear from the face of earth because I’m such a slut, I probably made some old man get off… Anyone can lie about their age on that site
UGH! AND IM ONLY 13!
God damn it this is not what my family wanted for me -
I wanted to be one of those innocent girls who grew up to be successful and professional but now that’s ruined im probably gonna end up in depression and drinking and my whole life will be ruined..

Ok sorry I am rambling. (Anxiety, oops)
Somebody help, I can’t talk about this with the therapist (HES A GUY..) I’m gonna see… Or the school nurse that I meet every week! That would be so awkward… That’s why I came here..
Someone please give me tips on how to stop obsessing…
And I know this is “normal” and “hormonal” but I still feel like such a freak! Could it have something to do with my OCD/Anxiety? Do I have a reason to obsess? And is this wrong on any level!? :(

By the way before I leave, what do you think is worse for a teen?

Making out physically with 5 guys or dirty talking online to maybe 10-15 strangers?

I also know that people my age are doing one night stands so that KINDA calms me but I’m mostly worried because I’m a kinky person and the chats were … Kinky and like is that any worse!?

Ok thanks for reading. Please help before I fall into depression because of this, because I feel like I’m on the edge of falling.

Category: Tags: asked October 30, 2014

7 Answers

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Okay so- First off, you need to make sure that you're not ashamed of the sexual feelings that you're experiencing. It's a natural part of adolescence and while it's important to be able to restrain yourself, it's not something that you can get rid of and you shouldn't hate yourself for having those feelings. Please be sure that the underlying reason for your anxiety over this is not because of the feelings you're having. With that being said, I have experience with this same situation. That's a little embarrassing to admit, but I know how you feel. Don't give out your information to anyone, okay? I know at the time it feels like a good thing, and you enjoy the experience but it's important to think of the long-term effects. People on Omegle are never the same people they claim to be. It's perfectly normal for girls especially your age to have sexual feelings, and don't be ashamed of being 'kinky', because we all have our own tastes and developing your own is also just another part of the process of growing. Omegle isn't safe, and you can meet a lot of terrible, terrible people there. Unfortunately, since it is anonymous, people feel like they can say anything they want, and this can be damaging to your mental status(As you're experiencing.) It can sometimes lead to blackmail, or cyberbullying and you need to be very careful to avoid that. Trust me, we all lose our innocence at some point. You've lost yours but it's not a bad thing!! It may feel like it, and it's normal to feel different and maybe even embarrassed, but it'll pass, I promise. If you feel like you need to talk to someone about it, feel free to message me. This really is not a big deal, hon. I know it feels like it, but it'll pass, okay? It's just a new experience, it's exciting and it feels nice, but it doesn't make you a bad person. But also know that you're so much more than a body. The issue with chatting like that is that it's just all sex, and it's addicting to feel it and take it all in. But you're a strong person, with all sorts of great attributes and you deserve to reach your full potential. If you feel like this is restraining you from doing what you want to do, just find something else to release your feelings. Running helps relieve frustration, it calms you down and releases stress, it helps a lot. And it boosts self confidence. Any type of exercise or productive act can help. Paint, draw, write, anything. Again- just message me if you want to talk, I won't judge you, I promise. Good luck with everything. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way towards yourself, but just keep in mind that it will pass.
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The Internet is an obvious and easy platform for young teens to test and even live out some of their beginning sexual thoughts and urges. It is very natural and psychologically speaking perfectly healthy to do so. It's a near risk-free way to get an impression of your future sexuality/personality since you get to remain anonymous - and it certainly doesn't ruin you in any way. If you met up with a stranger for casual sex we could discuss losing your innocence, but I cannot for the life of me see a 13-year-old as a lost cause from "dirty chatting" on the Internet (regardless of how dirty that may be - you're a teenager; it's your prerogative to to go crazy from time to time). You are using modern means to experiment and find your future identity. It's very common to feel bad or even horrible about some of the thoughts and discoveries you make through your early teens (and throughout the rest of your life, honestly) and part of growing up and becoming an adult is testing and processing these things.

The probability of someone tracking you down through Omegle as long as you've only shared your first name is near 0. Even if someone can, if you've shared that information with less than 100 people the probability is still so close to 0 it's difficult for a human to comprehend it. The people who even know how very rarely bother with Omegle because there is so much misinformation and so many scammers using it (trust me on that, I kinda checked - for totally educational purposes, of course) and 99.99% of those that can track you can only narrow you down to a county or an Internet provider at best. If you're worried do what I do and make up a name on the Internet. No one needs your real name anyway - when I chat with people I go by "Jack from Denmark" and no more. If someone can pinpoint me through that, frankly I think they deserve it.

About your innocence, depending on your religion it *can* be seen as a sin, but if you ask me it's a sign that you're experiencing puberty and there is nothing wrong with that even if it feels uncomfortable at the moment. Suppressing it, on the other hand, can ruin the rest of your life (please trust me on that as well). Even if that doesn't ease your conscience, the simple fact that you're asking the question proves to me that you are a perfectly normal, healthy 13-year-old girl, and if anything you're ahead of your peers.

The Internet is where everyone is wrong and no one is right. Experiment and have fun! But don't disclose personal details. Stick to publicly known websites and never tell anything but your first name - or a fake one if need be. Good luck out there!
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I've had experience with dirty chatting on Omegle, both with text and with webcams. And like you, it made me feel bad about myself. That wasn't the only thing though. I also went through a period of time where I had sex with guys I barely knew. I actually attempted suicide once because I hated myself so much.

What I will say is though you may regret losing your innocence in the way that you did and that you lost it at such an early age, it doesn't make you a bad person. You are not a slut. It's normal to be curious about sex and I don't see anything wrong with using the Internet to find out about it or to satisfy any desires you may have. The only thing you should avoid is doing anything that you feel uncomfortable with or that makes you feel ashamed of yourself when it's over. If you go on Omegle because you want to dirty chat, that's fine, but if someone convinces you to dirty chat when you don't really want to or takes it farther than you want it to go, that's when you should feel free to press the disconnect button. You don't owe anyone on Omegle anything, if you don't want to keep talking to them, you can leave.

As others have stated, there's no reason to worry that the people you talked to will track you. If you are only typing to them (no webcams) and are not giving them detailed contact information or identification, there's no risk. As Searinox said, you can always say a different first name if that makes you more comfortable.

I don't want you to think that your life is ruined. Even if you don't like what you did, what you did does not define you. As I said, I went through my period of dirty chats online and sexual promiscuity in general. Part of the reason I felt so terrible about it is because I am Catholic. But I realized in time that I am a good person who makes mistakes sometimes. We are all far too hard on ourselves. All of us here recognize the goodness in you, but you are focusing on only negatives. When I opened up to other people and spent time in prayer, I realized that no one hated me for what I did. No one thought I was horrible or disgusting.

I found love and acceptance, which is what I was always looking for. What I realized is that I was looking for it in all the wrong places. If you just want to satisfy sexual urges with Omegle, that's fine, but be warned that if what you are really looking for is love and acceptance, casual sex or sexual talking will only make you feel worse. As Venus said, you are more than a body. You are so much more than that.

I realize this is a super long comment, but I really wanted to pass along what I've learned. I think you should try to talk to someone and if you are not comfortable with the therapist you have, ask for someone else. It is perfectly fine to say you are more comfortable talking with a woman than a man. I think it's good to release everything you've been holding inside. It's a relief to say your thoughts and feelings to someone who will just listen without negatively judging you. That's the purpose of therapists and I'm sure whoever you talk to will not mind you saying what's bothering you.

Try not to compare yourself to other people. You be you and let them be them. I think you are doing just fine. All you need is to let go of your anxiety and negative thoughts. And I find a great way to do that is to confide in someone you trust.

Best of luck to you and feel free to send me a message if you want to talk to someone.
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Thanks I really appreciate your answer but could there be a chance that one of those "guys" could track me down or blackmail me or threaten me!?!?!? :( now im more scared than depressed
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Young lady, if you stop rejecting yourself and accept yourself, those awful feelings will go away. Recognize that "innocence" is meaningless. You are mourning the loss of a fictitious concept that only exists for control.

You are not a bad person.
You are not a bad girl.
You have not done anything wrong.
You have not lost anything.
You are growing up, and that is perfectly okay.
Your sexual tastes do not make you a bad person!

You need to accept that it is okay to love yourself, and as for worrying about people tracking you down; as long as you do not give out your address, you are safe.
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Unless you gave out anything but your first name you should be fine. It's alright to give into "guilty pleasures", sex is a learning thing. I had a friend who, for a really long time, always told me that she felt so guilty for self pleasuring herself. However, I always told her that it was perfect fine to explore in anything sexual. Just be safe, that's all I can really stress. As I said, giving out a first name isn't dangerous, but anything else might not be as safe.
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