How to not fall for someone?


Hi :)
I’m a young adult experiencing problems with love, and the most common problem I encounter is falling for someone too fast. I just recently broke up with my lover for 2 years, and my days haven’t been the same. It’s been three months and I want to start moving on. My friends suggested that I start dating again, and so I signed up for an online dating site. I was fortunate to find people to talk to, and I got to know some of them. So, then I started to like one guy and he seemed ok, but then he became so distant all of a sudden. I figured I can’t get stuck on him if he decided not to communicate anymore so I moved on. Finally I found another person who was more than willing to entertain me and I him. Again, we got to know each other and I started to like him ( as in really like) , but then the same thing happened. So I consulted with the school counselor and she adviced not to fall for someone too fast, my problem is, I don’t know how not to, it’s like someone could just approach and sweet talk me and I like him/her already. Please advice. I really want to save myself disappointment in the future. Thanks for reading my story and for answering my question

Category: asked July 2, 2014

4 Answers

I also used to have the problem of meeting people and falling for them to fast. One thing i noticed played a key role was my tendency to fantasize about the person. I think we have all experienced this at one point or another and although a little fantasy is not necessarily a bad thing too much of it can lead to an unrealistic ideal of the person or feelings for the fantasy version of them. An easy way of preventing this is to try and shift your thoughts in another direction whenever you find yourself daydreaming about the person in an unrealistic way. Although a little fantasy is okay there is a difference between a few minutes a day and few hours spent just thinking about this person.
That actually made so much sense. And now that you mentioned it, i did fantasize over those people a lot. That explains why.. wow, thank you so much
I used to do this when I first started dating. I became way too attached too fast, or "clingy" as some might say. As the above poster mentioned, fantasizing did play a big role. What helped me the most was when I posted an ad for dating, I actually mentally decided and posted that I wanted to make friends. When the focus changed from wanting to be in a relationship to just wanting to have a good time with some new friends, it allowed me to distance myself mentally from the girlfriend fantasy and focus on being friends with the people I met. It took a lot of pressure off the whole dating thing, and I figured if I clicked with a new friend, things would naturally progress to the next level (which they did, and I married him). The point is that strong relationships are based on a solid foundation of friendship, and when you allow yourselves to get to know each other as friends first, things will be much more relaxed, and your new friend will likely want to spend more time with you :)
I know you might connect with someone and think that you like them, but in reality your just have a good connection. Online relationships are very complicated and hard because that person that you like is not with you. There just in the other side of a screen. When it comes to online dating you should try to talk to someone that is close by you. Maybe in the same town or city. And your counselor us right dont fall for people to easily. Hope i helped you :)