How to help a friend that is cutting?

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One of my friends has been cutting for about the past month, it was just shallow cuts that she claimed were accidents and so i just told her that she was free to talk to me any time and let it be. But within the last week she has gotten worse, she has started cutting deeper and cutting veins. Her boyfriend told me that she has said she wants them to kill themselves together. I’m really worried her, she has been to a few different therapists before and it didn’t help. Now she refuses to see anyone or tell them anything. when i have tried to ask her about it, she breaks down. I doubt her family knows what is going on because she doesn’t talk to any of them often and refuses to. Every time someone brings it up she starts crying and gets worse later. Her boyfriend plans to confront her about it and asked that me and one of her other friends be there. I’m just looking for advice on how to help her, without her shutting down. Any ex self harm people out there with advice?

Category: Tags: asked April 6, 2014

4 Answers

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Hi. I used to self harm and my best friend helped me. One thing I think is important is find a replacement first then get to the problem. For me I started popping silly bandz on my wrists whenever I got even a slight urge to cut myself. Once you can find a harmless substitute then you work on why you feel the need to hurt yourself. Those that self harm are looking for an outlet for their pain, they need something to release the pressure thats building up inside them. There are several different ways to release this pain in a harmless way. Popping bands, breaking something that can also be good, screaming into a pillow, going for a walk, writing, listening to music (positive music)...it depends. Do you see where I am going with this? I hope this helped! Message me if you need further details or advice. <3
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I think it would be good to just be there for her. She needs a distraction when she gets the urge to cut. Talk to her when she gets that urge, it's worth a shot. I just know that for me, I always want to talk to someone when I feel like self harming. I always want someone else to talk me out of it because I can't talk myself out of it.
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Be there to talk to her, offer a distraction but don't say you'll stop talking to her if she doesn't stop cutting or say she's being stupid. I've had both those things said it me before, and although I rarely do it, it just made it worse. From experience, choose the carrot over the stick.
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Your friend seems like a much more severe case than i was, although at one point in my life I was cutting everyday and every week it was getting deeper and deeper. I always let people talk to me. However, maybe because she can't physically talk to people about it, maybe she can write it down what is actually deeply bothering her, because there is always a root. For me the cutting seemed like it masked the pain, and the only way that i was able to stop was from a lot of support and a lot of not support. There were people in my life who loved me and stood by me and let me know that it hurt them to see me hurt myself, my boyfriend at the time helped a lot because every time he found out that I was cutting again he would actually cry and tell me that it was painful to see that.. and seeing him cry because of something i did really hurt me more than anything. However, because i cut. I had also lost one of my best friends she looked me in the eye in front of all our friends and told me "I can't be friends with an "emo"" and this was extremely painful for me. Although instead of it making me cut more, it made me want to stop, i noticed that i had lost a lot of friends and it was my fault. The other main thing was me having to want to stop, realizing that i had the problem. One of my close friends tried taking my blades and that didn't necessarily help me, because i found others.. but when i personally took my things and dug a hole and buried them (literally) it was my way of saying that it was going to stop. I began taking my anger and sadness out by talking to people, or when i couldn't talk to someone i would use a punching bag for awhile until i no longer needed the physical release i can now really just scream into a pillow or cry for an hour, and its the best release I've ever felt. But remember the key thing I had was 1. Support 2. Acknowledging that I had to take charge and want it.