During my freshman year of high school, I had a crush on this girl who was in one of my classes. We started talking on the phone for several hours a day (during several days of the week) and we’d be instant messaging from after school until midnight. We’d hang out every once in a while and I’d really enjoy her presence because she turned out to be more than a crush after all.
She would give me most of her attention however I did not. I was a pretty competitive gamer back in freshman year, so I did not devote all my attention to her and after a while, we began to distance. Not because I stopped liking her, but because I was an incompetent asshole that made up a bunch of lies to her. But deep down, I really really liked her. I just never thought she’d go away one day.
I remember one time, I invited her out to hang out for a bit. Because we live a considerable distance from each other, I told her to meet me at a certain train station. She arrived at the station 15 min early whereas I was nearly 40 min late. She had waited about half an hour and left. At the time, she told me she had to go. Of course I apologized, but she said it was all right. Now that I look back and put myself in her shoes, it must’ve really sucked and been disappointing to be alone in a train station with no service for a good amount of time.
During my sophomore year, I tried everything I could to compensate for me being an asshole to her all this time. However, she would purposely avoid calls just to text me back and the most I could get out of her was a “hi”. She was super reluctant to hang out then and told me to stop doing things for her. I figured I should just give her some space until I figured out my next step.
It’s been a month since junior year ended and senior year is about to start in a little more than a month. I’ve been thinking about her even more now lately and it’s driving me insane. This year is going to be my last year to possibly make things all right. I’m at the stage of utter regret.
The last time we had an actual conversation was 2 years ago and our last text was 1 year ago… I don’t know what I can do to spark up things between me and her again and possibly get into a relationship with her because all I know now, senior her isn’t the freshman her, and I will need to approach things differently because of our past interactions.
Any help is greatly appreciated.
