How to deal with someone’s rage?


So my best friend (female) has anger management issues. She can be calm, but when she pisses off, she has huge, violent rage attacks, during which she screams and swears a lot. The thing is that she gets angry at the most minimal thing.
I am a very calm person, so I always try to be someone for her to sphold on to ehenever she feels frustrated over little things, but it’s hard to cope with.
She has been to a psychologist, but she’s stubborn about it. Her parents are caring but not that helpful. She insults them quite a lot.
So my question is, any tips on how to deal with it? And what to advise her?

Category: Tags: asked September 10, 2014

3 Answers

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.The advice you should give her in 4 step: 1 - relaxation : Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut." Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.2- Cognitive Restructuring : Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).3- Problem Solving : make plan for solving problem rather than get the feeling of rage because you can't figure out an solution or ask friend4 - Better Communication : Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
At the end of the day, she is her own person and she can't be forced to do something. However, maybe she doesn't understand the extent of her rage and how it may affect some people. Something to consider doing would be to video her when she is having one of her moments and when she has calmed down, show her. It may take a while for her to want to get help for herself but maybe showing her the video may make her see it a little clearer. But please keep in mind, always remember she is her own person and at those times all she really needs is support.
I think you should explore being less a "calm person", and more a "I'm not taking this" person. Helping her means showing her what happens when she lets her rage out on friends, so that she can embrace the responsibility of her actions and choices. So if she goes off on you, attacks you, insults you or does it to someone else and it's a lot of negativity to take in, you have the option to no stay there to absorb it, but to leave, or leave unless she calms down, or leave until she calms down. You don't mention a physical danger for yourself, so I'll leave stuff like "keeping your hands down" out. For more ideas: