I will try to make this as brief as possible. My husband and I have been married 7 years. He is much younger than me, he is 29 and I am 46. He moved out here directly after college and he got a job in the retail sales field. His degree is in history, so it was difficult to find something initially. He did well at at that company for a few years, moving up and then it just kind of went stagnant. He was finally given 2 months notice for lack of performance.
He found a new job, in pretty much the same capacity-management/sales and has been there for a year and things are not going well and we are back in the boat of looking for another job.
I will preface this by saying he is a very, very intelligent person, but I honestly feel he is lazy. At home, he is very lazy. I do all of the cleaning, cooking, taking care of kids, etc. and I am beginning to wonder if he is just lazy at work. We had one of his colleagues over the other day and his girlfriend mentioned how he is always working at home-my husband never works at him. In fact, he takes every opportunity he can to come home early.
He has always talked about how ambitious he is, and I have always thought he was, but lately I am beginning to think he is confusing the act of being ambitious (hard work) with just wanting the success. When he got his first job, I am the one who sent out all of the applications/resumes, same with his second job and now again this burden seems to be falling on me to find him a new job.
There is alot going on right now with his emotions and mine. I am feeling anger and resentment over alot of things, and the worse feeling is losing my faith in him and his ability to support our family. I feel bad that I am feeling this way and I am doing my best to keep these feelings from him and be supportive.
I resent that he got a history degree…it just seems like it was such a waste of his time-he doesn’t want to be a teacher, it isn’t applicable to anything and now the bulk of his work experience, all in fact is in sales and I feel like sales are just not where he needs to be. He is very people oriented but when it comes to pushing for the sale I don’t think he does well.
He is becoming very depressed, I can tell. He will send me texts throughout the day saying “I just don’t feel like doing anything at all today”, which makes me every angrier at him. What am I supposed to say to that? I am working my job, taking care of the house AND trying to find him another job and now I am supposed to be his counselor. I can’t bluntly say to him, I don’t think you are good at sales, I hint around suggesting other jobs-maybe go back to school and get a teaching certificate. They are all blown out of the water.
Last night he got angry over something work related and was throwing things. I just went to bed and then he started saying to me, “you don’t deserve this”, making hints that I would be better off if he killed himself, etc. I don’t really think he would, I just can’t give anymore support than I am already giving-I’m taped. The stress of him losing his job and the financial impact it would have on us is just overwhelming me.
I love him dearly, he is a good husband and father. Any advice you can give would be appreciated.
