How to convince a sexually-abused girl to open up?

I have a friend, a female middle school student. She seemed troubled all the time and she always talked to me when she has some problems or such.

Today’s the worst.

She told me her past, and it was horrible. When she was five, she was raped by two people, a father and his son, which is her next-door neighbor. The bad news, she has a problem with acknowledging things and that thing just kept happening until the was eight years old. She’s fourteen now.

She remembered those things when she’s eleven, and that memory destroyed her. She became completely introvert person, never opened up to people until she’s thirteen. She seemed a little better because she was consoled by a friend of hers, but she still talked her problems to me ever since.

Those memories still haunting her, but she said that telling her family about this thing is pointless because it’s too late for her. I tried to convince her to talk to her parents about this, but she feared talking about this thing to her parents will drives her father to kill the rapists and drives her mother insane, and she obviously doesn’t want that to happen. She kept this thing a secret to everyone for roughly nine years, and she just opened this up to me.

It’s obviously not healthy for her, and I want to help her immediately.

I’d really like to hear your thoughts about this, and it would be very helpful if you could share some ways to help this girl, or probably share a way to convince her to get a professional help, since she just keep being stubborn about keeping things a secret to everyone, even if it means that she lets this thing breaks her mind.

Category: Abuse Tags: sexual abuse trauma asked April 30, 2014

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Ayomikawa

7 Answers

Do not try to convince her of anything.
Do encourage her to get help (if she's in school there are likely programs with the school) as that sort of thing can become problematic. Not always, but usually.
Do not share this information with anyone without her express consent.
Do not make decisions for her.
Do search for resources and offer them to her. There are free counseling services in most areas, websites that offer great help, and most cities have places you can go and talk or places you can call.
Again, do not force her to do anything, do be her friend.

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Goose

100

Whatever you do, DO NOT: -Make decisions for her -Do anything without her consent -Do anything that makes her uncomfortable -Tell anyone However, DO: -Let her know that you're there for her -Gently persuade her to get help (trusted adult, parent, school counselor, therapist) -Support her -Let her know that what happened is not her fault -Make her feel safe....Good luck, my friend. You're doing a good thing.

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Kat

It's wonderful that you want to be there for your friend. However, forcing her to do something is only going to hurt her worse. You need to listen to what SHE needs, and let her know you will be there for her no matter what.

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Pixykill

DO NOT pressure here into anything. I was in a similar situation in my youth and when I confided in someone finally, the LAST thing I wanted was for them to nag and insist I do ANYTHING. The fact that she confided in you is an astronomical leap in the forward direction. Sometimes it takes people until they're 40 years old to tell someone, sometimes they just never do, out of fear of a plethora of things, ranging from not being believed, to fear that their trustee will laugh at them for being silly. If she has already told you anything, that means she wants to move forward with this, otherwise she would have kept quiet. But you have to let her do it on her terms. Let her know that you're there to support her regardless, but pressure is the thing she needs least right now. She just needs love, nurturing, and acceptance. She is being stubborn because it was hard enough to tell one person. It's an unbelievable mountain to climb, and at the time it's happening it seems insurmountable. She more than likely feels broken, and like she isn't worth it. Perhaps even dirty. But trust in someone who went through the same thing, eventually, if you let her keep confiding in you and give her unwavering support, she'll feel ready to tell someone who can help and better administer therapy, too. Good Luck :)

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S'ana

-2

You need to get her to tell her family. She needs the support structure, and her parents deserve to know what happened to their daughter and that they live next-door to two rapists. She is a minor and cannot make legal decisions for herself for a very good reason, encourage her to tell her family.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

i can definitely feel this girl when i was 9 i was raped and i remembered everything and kept it as a secret for a whole 7 years until i broke it is to much pressure for a young girl and i had the EXACT SAME fear that my dad will kill the guys but i eventually had to tell someone so i choose mom cause i said she will be more understanding and less violent since she is a woman and that moment when i told her it was like an elephant went down my shoulders i was sssssso relieved and my parents actually took it in a good way not like what i expected so tell her that you will be with her always and will always support her and she have to tell even if it won't put the assholes in prison it will make her feel muccccch more better .good luck

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Cara

Oh my, thanks and sorry for everyone that have answered this (because I'm late to respond).I tried to not be nosy about her decision in this problem, yet I also encouraged her to let go of her disgust to herself. I don't really know did she tried to talk about this to the adults or not, or at least her family, but she seemed little by little started to accept the fact that she isn't the cause of that disaster. At least I describe it as a positive progress for her, and that will be my encouragement to continue to help her.Once again, thank you for everyone that have answered. You have my regards and I will never forget it. I will support her no matter what, wish her luck!

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Ayomikawa