My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years now. We have a solid relationship and he is the most supportive partner I could hope for. Lately, we have been having trouble in the bedroom though.
It started about 1 month ago when I tried to initiate sex. It seems that whenever I do this (including past, but more so recently) he loses his erection if I initiate sex. However, if he initiates, everything is fine. We have talked about it before and he isn’t able to give me a reason; says he’s turned on, likes what I’m doing, finds me attractive, likes feeling wanted, but it just doesn’t happen.
I tried to shrug this off and just slyly get him to come on to me if I was in the mood. I was ok with this mostly. However, this month we have a huge paper due for classes and it was stressing him out a lot. He turned me down about 4 days in a row. That was fine; I understood and sympathized with the stress. However, now that he has turned the project in, he has been jokingly giving me a hard time about not ‘putting out’ and turning him down. It’s gotten to the point where I am really upset that we can’t just get together and want each other at the same time. I have started crying the last 2-3 times we’ve tried because I’m so confused and self-conscious. I feel like it’s unfair that he can initiate sex whenever, but that I have to wait for him to be in the mood. I know that’s not a fair statement and I know he isn’t doing it on purpose or anything, but in that moment I get emotional and just feel it.
How do I bring this up to him in a non-accusatory way now that things have snowballed and it has become a bigger issue than it really needs to be?
