How to accept your boyfriends choices…


My boyfriend has recently told me what he wants now that we have been dating for a while. He said that he doesn’t want me getting upset or jealous when he hangs out with his female friends one on one and texts them. How he doesn’t want to see me sometimes. He wants more hang out times with all of his friends. How he doesn’t want me to get upset when our plans change…

but the thing is, he texts this one girl all the time when he and I have plans and are hanging out. I asked him why he does that and he said he does that because he and I see each other all the time. Whenever the three of us hang out in a grup, she always gets most of his attention and im feeling like the third wheel. When he and I have plans, I expect them not to change. I mean I understnad if a friend comes home and he sees them once a year so our plans change. I wont deny, but it hurts when he said he doesn’t want to see me sometimes. I know he needs him time but those words still hurt.

How do I accept all this and still be happy?

Category: Tags: asked July 24, 2013

5 Answers

Honestly you're just making the transition in your relationship. At first you have the passionate love and of course that dwindles after a while so now you are onto the companionship love. I'm not sure if you are a jealous person but since you brought it up that your boyfriend said that I would get it if he has his own chick friends and he wants to talk to them and hang out with them. I definitely have a lot of close guy friends that I talk to a lot even though I'm in a relationship. We have definitely drawn the line and we can both trust each other though. And don't take it in a bad way it's just hard to see someone everyday while in a relationship you know? Sometimes you just want to hang out with your friends or even have time for yourself. I relate to your boyfriend though, I find myself to be more of an independent person so I wouldn't really mind not seeing my boyfriend for a week or so whereas he would be pretty upset about it, so we compromise in the middle he understands that I need some time with my friends and myself and he's definitely become less attached which is nice on my part. That is pretty annoying if he flakes out on you all the time, if it's been only a few times then that's okay but I'm assuming it's been a lot. But basically what it sounds like to me is he has been drawing all the lines in the relationship whereas you haven't been having any say, which is pretty unfair. So you need to talk to him about it, tell him that it's not okay if he flakes out on you all the time, because if a person did that to me all the time I wouldn't make the effort to plan anything. Also I'm going to assume this other girl is one of his best friends or something, but you shouldn't be the third wheel by any means! And he shouldn't be texting her when you two are on dates, just tell him that it's pretty rude to be texting another person throughout the date and also to be not included in their conversation. You need to tell him that while you two are hanging out that's your time, and if he doesn't see eye to eye with you then maybe you need to find someone else who will give you the attention you deserve. Have a good one.
Sorry to say this, but it really seems like this guy is going to end up cheating on you.

I understand boundaries and that even though you're dating someone, it shouldn't mean that they can't hang out with other people, but this girl he texts really struck a cord with me.

He shouldn't be giving her more attention while you're together in a group, he shouldn't be texting her while you're with him. He's acting like you're suffocating him but at the same time has no issues giving this other girl plenty of attention.

I'll bet you anything this girl knows this as well but loves the attention she gets from your boyfriend and doesn't seem to care how it affects the two of you.

That wouldn't make -me- happy in a relationship, and it shouldn't make you happy either.
Im sorry to hear this.Ill be honest here,not sugar coating my opinion as that helps no one.
I probably wouldn't except it.Sounds like he isn't been very fare and isn't think of you first.
Nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex ,but sound to me that he is slowly pushing you away.
I think you need to talk to him more telling him that this doesn't all go down to well with you.
Ask him perhaps how serious he thinks your relationships is and what does he see for the future with you.Then... you need to sit down and have a good look at what his responses where like and decide is this really for you.
I wish you all the best.
If you are over 18 and you want a grown up relationship then my opinion is... A relationship can only work if you are both on the same page. He is not ready for a real grown up relationship. No one should have to give up their friends but at the same time you boyfriend should become your partner and that means you come as a pair. So you need to really think about how happy you will really be.
If you are younger and your not going to settle down yourself yet then I suggest that you tell him your terms and if you can't reach a happy medium then go separate ways.
if you ever feel like a third wheel in a relationship thats not good