My boyfriend has said and done some thoughtless and heartbreaking things to me in the past and we are trying to move past this. However I find it difficult to let these things go.I want nothing more than to truly forgive and forget, but the memories creep up every so often and I don’t know what I can do about this. I have started seeing a therapist to help with some of the issues but the more I talk about the problems the more the memories seem to present themselves.Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I would be so grateful.
You can't let the past go, for it has so much to do with what has led to your present. The most you can do is accept it for what it was and decide how much of your future needs to be based on it. If you feel like a future with your boyfriend is going to be dependent on how you feel when you think about your past, and that leads to stress and heartache, then its probably best that you move apart from each other. Otherwise you risk wasting a great portion of your life in denial about the impact of his actions.
If you feel you've done all you can to try and get past it and its still not working out, then its probably best for both of you to part ways. You don't deserve to feel haunted by yesterday, and he, assuming he's striving to be a better person and not make the same mistakes, deserves someone that won't his past against him forever.
Before you make any assumptions or actions; I want you to do one thing. List all of the reasons why you want you and your boyfriend to last. I have gone through the same thing you have: with my ex gf. I wanted us to last but she did things to me that were unforgettable and somewhat unforgivable.One day, I decided to wonder why I was trying to hold onto her. So, I listed all of the reasons why she meant so much to me. After making a short list, I saw that what I was really holding onto was just an idea, an image. The only thing that I wanted to happen is to hold onto the memories and try to make them last. And for that, I ignored what was really going on and continue hurting myself rather than healing the pain.For your situation, here's an analogy:”Your feelings towards him are like a rose with thorns. The rose is beautiful and elegant in every way. You want to keep it but you know that the rose has thorns. So, instead of tossing it away, you squeeze on to the stem. As you’re squeezing the stems the thorns start to cut your fingers and hands. The more you squeeze, the more pain you are inflicting on yourself. No matter how hard you squeeze, the thorns will always be there and you will always have pain.”Instead of holding onto something that causes you more pain, why not let go and let life do the rest.Hope this helps